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Band 2.5

COMMUNITIES AND HELPING EACH OTHER We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#communities #world #countries
The
people
 in the world have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
identification
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 your
country
. A form of life. When you help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
people
 or
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
country
, you have character because only some
people
 understand your help. We cannot help everyone in the world that needs helps
for example
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Bolivia have nine
countries
, three hot zones are together when one
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the other. In the
countries
, communities
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
. In
other
Change the wording
another place
other places
show examples
place
Add a comma
,place
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 don’t help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
when need some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
emergency
Add an article
the emergency
show examples
. When was having
problems
 of water and
Correct your spelling
environment
environmental
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environmental
problems
 in Santa Cruz (Chiquitania)
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 The
people
 of Cochabamba, Tarija,
sucre
Change the capitalization
Sucre
show examples
, Potosi, Pando, La Paz, Oruro and others help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Santa Cruz
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
 one example. In the same case
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Tarija in New Year and the other
countries
 of Bolivia help.
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
 should be more
emphathy
Correct your spelling
empathy
 with other
people
 because never know when
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 need the other person for a
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 or emergency.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 example is Africa, the
people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very poor and
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
countries
 and
people
 go or travel to Africa only
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 help the
country
, carry foot, water and things that
people
 need, but in
this
country
 have other
citys
Correct your spelling
cities
 that
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 help
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 should
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
emphaty
Correct your spelling
empathy
 with other
people
 and want help. Help communities with food or when need other, in
politic
Replace the word
political
show examples
problems
 or economical
problems
.
Submitted by ismael.222sr on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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