IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that development of technology helps to reduce crime, while others think that it encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #development #technology #crime
In recent years,there
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been
Correct article usage
an increased
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increased
Replace the word
increase
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 in criminal
activities
 in our society, some argue that the advancement in
technology
have
Change the verb form
has
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reduce
Change the verb form
reduced
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criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
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 rate while others are of the opinion that it increases criminal
activities
. Personally, I support the opinion that it
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
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 the level of criminal
activities
. The development of
technology
have
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has
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 helped reduce crime rates in
most
Add an article
the most
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advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 country, the discovery of
cctv
Correct your spelling
CCTV
Cctv
 cameras have helped monitor any
activities
 in a particular location and potential criminals are most likely to be discouraged because they are likely to be caught.
Another device
Fix the agreement mistake
Other devices
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 like
car
Correct article usage
a car
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 and phone tracker has helped in
discovered
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discovery
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 of stolen cars and phones in any part of the world.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 the development of
social
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society
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 can help discover the people involved in cyber fraud or false
pretense
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pretenses
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 and dumping people on
internet
Add an article
the internet
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,their lavish styles can be investigated to know their actual source of income.
lastly
, the use of
finger print
Correct your spelling
fingerprint
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 which
is usually use
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is usually used
show examples
 in a crime scene to detect the criminal involvement in the activity. Development of
technology
 can
also
 contribute
in
Change preposition
to
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criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
show examples
 rate because when a potential criminal is aware of the device,tools or ways of which they can be caught, they can manipulate the system by hacking them or using other means, in other for them not to be caught. In conclusion, advancement in
technology
 has more benefits
in
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society because even though
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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 may be aware of the ways and devices, it is very difficult to penetrate them because they are most likely to be caught,
therefore
 the government can
should
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
have their personal ways,only known to them by which potential criminals and criminals can be caught,in other to discourage criminal
activities
.
Submitted by enaughetheresa on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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