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Band 6

The best way to make the road safer is to ask drivers to take a driving test each year. To what extent? Do you agree or disagree?

#road #drivers #test #year
The annual taking of driving
tests
 by
drivers
are
Change the verb form
is
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 crucial to increase safety on roads.
Although
 there are many causes for
accidents
, I firmly believe taking yearly
tests
 helps us to decrease the risk of
accidents
.
To begin
 with, the security of roads is closely related to car
drivers
, and
accidents
 happen because of their lack of knowledge.
Moreover
, the year-round
tests
 help
drivers
to
Verb problem
apply
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maintain and improve their driving skills and keep them aware of their performance, which leads to more conscientious and safer driving behaviours.
For instance
,
According to
 the statistics
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the world, the majority of road
accidents
 happen
due to
 the lack of
drivers'
Fix the agreement mistake
driver'
show examples
 education.
However
, after implementing a law requiring annual driving
tests
,
this
 percentage significantly decreased to 20%.
As a result
, they will be able to stay in touch with current traffic and road conditions, which are essential and provide the best opportunity to address issues.
Consequently
,
drivers
 become more skilled through regular testing, and
overall
 road safety is likely to improve, reducing the number of
accidents
 in our city.
On the other hand
, there are a few reasons for the taking place accident, except for driving
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and taking
tests
.
Firstly
, driving drunk, which is related to alcohol consumption, reduces the ability to focus on essential tasks and easily distracts us.
Secondly
, distracted driving,
such
 as using mobile phones, gadgets, or eating
while
 driving, which are undoubtedly
raise
Correct subject-verb agreement
raises
show examples
 the risk of
accidents
 each time.
For instance
,
according to
 the news, in Europe, a high percentage of
accidents
 happen because of dependence on alcoholic
beverage
Fix the agreement mistake
beverages
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. In 2009, it was determined by WHO organization, that several horrific crashes occurred because of drunk driving. In conclusion, even though there are many causes of
accidents
, I believe taking driving
tests
 helps us reduce the number of
accidents
 and improve safety.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your introduction is effective, but the thesis statement could be clearer. Consider explicitly stating whether you agree or disagree with the prompt.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on alternative solutions or counterarguments to show a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that linking words and phrases are used smoothly between paragraphs for better readability.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward sentence structures. Review these to improve fluency and clarity.
introduction conclusion present
You have presented a clear structure with a good introduction and conclusion.
supported main points
Your points are well-supported with examples and statistics, which enhances your argument.
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