IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries the average weight is increasing and their levels of health and fittness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of this proplem and what measures could be taken to solve them ?

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Nowadays we are facing
a
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an
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 ongoing
Correct your spelling
problem
proplem
Correct your spelling
problem
 with the decreasing amount of healthy people in the community, and the rise
of
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in
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 average
weight
Use synonyms
 substantially. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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,essay
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 I will state the reasons that I think contribute to
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
phenomenom
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phenomenon
,
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apply
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 while suggesting two possible solutions to concur on
this
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 matter. I think one of the main causes of the average
weight
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 increase is the fast
food
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 chain supplies, those
food
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 chains faced remarkable growth in the past few years more than any other restaurants did in the same time period. They became widely popular and consumed daily by the public.
Although
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 fast
food
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 tastes pleasant and makes you want to come for more, it has a very negative
effect
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 on our
health
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 in the long run. Most of the servings of fast
food
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 chains are prepared in
an unhealthy ways
Correct the article-noun agreement
an unhealthy way
unhealthy ways
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, one of them is fring.
This
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 leads to
an
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apply
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unhealthy
amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
amount
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 of unsaturated fats which leads to fat being deposited in the body and blood vessels in extreme cases.
Next
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 is adding excess sugar and salt. When adding the factor of
the
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apply
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time these eating habits can lead a significant
effect
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 on the consumer's
health
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, leading to their
weight
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to increase
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increasing
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 and eventually becoming less fit. Despite the
effect
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 that fast
food
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 has on a person's
health
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, there are measures that can be applied to limit its
effect
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 on the mass public. Governments can imply policies to supervise the servings of the fast
food
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 chains.
For example
Linking Words
, in the UK the government prohibited the serving of ice cream in the widely famous fast
food
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 chain 'Macdonald', because of the high sugar and calories contained in one serving. Another solution can be increasing the awareness of the public to the positive effects of maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
This
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 can be done by governmental campaigns that explain to the public the whereabouts of building a healthy lifestyle consisting of diet and habits that influence your
health
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 in a positive manner. To conclude, the community is facing a rise in the average
weight
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 and a decline in the level of fitness of
it's
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its
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 members.
However
Linking Words
, we can concur
Linking Words
this
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with this
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 by governmental supervision
on
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of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast
food
Use synonyms
 chain supplies, and raising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public awareness
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the benefits of maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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