Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Other believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather that compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Everyone have others opinions about a
competition
, however
, we have a both side
: the first side
is people
, who think that competition
is a good think everywhere; the second side
is people
who disagreed with that.
Honestly, i prefer the opinion by the first side
, because i am a competitive person, since my childhood. In my opinion, competitive can make people
do something better than other person, and it is motivating thing for people
in everywhere: it can be work
, school, daily life.
For example
, people
at work
, due to
competition
, can improve the quality and effective skills, and it is impactful thing for their work
, but, to be honest, this
competition
should influence for their salary, because people
are need something, which can motivated they are for competition
, and i think that salary is really working thing.
But we have the second side
, where people
think that they should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. It seems to me, it is great idea too, but it depends on where. If we talk about a group work
, obviously opinion about this
method is better and it can be working and perfectly thing for people
, but if you are individual person and you need to more motivation in order to improve your skills and open different features in yourself, the methods with competition
will suits more for you.
On the basis of psychology, the second side
is useful for your emotional intelligence because you will learn how need to have a conversation with people
, you will learn how to come with everyone to consensus, but, most of all, you will not to have a nervous breakdown, anxiety, low energy, bad mood and mental issues. Psychologists believe that people
can have competition
with yourself and people
, looking to past, will become everyday better.
In conclusion: i think that people
can use the both methods and choose, which one is better for their character or personality, but, first of all, people
must understand that their mental health more important and they shouldn’t overdo with competition
.Submitted by dnm.best on
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grammar
Ensure there are no grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'Everyone have' should be 'Everyone has').
task achievement
Clarify your position further and consistently throughout the essay. While you mentioned a preference for competition, it's important to compare and contrast thoroughly.
task achievement
Develop points in greater detail, providing specific and clear examples for both sides of the argument. This will help to make your ideas more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using linking words (e.g., 'Firstly,' 'However,' 'In conclusion'). This enhances coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising the conclusion to restate your opinion more clearly and summarize key points more concisely.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to make the essay more engaging and varied.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both aspects of the topic and attempted to provide a balanced view.
task achievement
Personal examples and opinions give the essay a unique perspective and make your arguments more relatable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.