IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems -To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is said that governments ought to concentrate on reducing housing issues and environmental
pollution
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 to avoid sickness. The author of
this
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 essay believes that focusing on declining
pollution
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 and housing problems is essential to have good health. It is acknowledged that to prevent any kind of disease, concentrating on reducing
pollution
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 and bousing issues must be done. Individuals can clean their houses on a regular basis to avoid hygiene diseases and fewer insects can be harmful to human health
Also
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, throwing garbage in the right spots and utilizing public transportation can reduce
pollution
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such
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 as water
pollution
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 and air
pollution
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.
As a result
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, diseases and deathly disasters are unlikely to occur.
However
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, some people claim that it is politics and the
economy
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 that the administration should pay attention to.
This
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 can be true in some cases but folks can do nothing without having good health A country whose citizens are healthy is likely to develop more than other nations as individuals are capable of working hard and contributing to the national
economy
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. As only a result folks do not have to spend too much on medical services but
also
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 every one of them can contribute greatly to the
economy
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 of one nation
To sum up
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, everything has been illustrated, it is crucial for governments housing issue to pay attention to declining
pollution
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 and housing sue By doing that, citizens can spend less on medical services and
economy
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 to one nation's
economy
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Logic & Argumentation
Maintain a consistent argument throughout your essay. Avoid making contradictory statements unless you're comparing differing viewpoints clearly.
Grammar & Style
Use a variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. This not only demonstrates your proficiency in English but also keeps your reader engaged.
Paragraph Structure
To improve coherence, ensure your paragraphs are well-structured with clear topic sentences that introduce the point of each paragraph. Following that, provide supporting sentences and examples before concluding the paragraph with a sentence that relates the paragraph back to the main argument of the essay.
Introduction & Conclusion
Work on a clear and more developed introduction and conclusion. The introduction should engage the reader, present the topic, and outline your position clearly. The conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments and reiterate your stance without introducing new information.
Supporting Evidence
Enhance your task achievement by including more detailed examples and explanations. While you mention the importance of addressing pollution and housing issues for health, providing specific, real-life examples or data would strengthen your argument.
Task Understanding
You clearly understood the task and took a clear position in response to it, which is excellent.
Critical Thinking
You made a good effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an ability to think critically about the topic.
Structure & Organization
Your essay maintains a generally good structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion, aiding in readability and coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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