IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some areas of the United States, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

#areas #states #curfew #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a prohibition for young
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
not allowed to go out
or
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
Change preposition
to its
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 houses after a
specifically
Change the word
specific
show examples
 hour in some cities
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the United States if they are not an adult company. In my opinion, I believe it is not a good option, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain the reasons why
this
Linking Words
 situation should not continue.
First
Linking Words
 of all, forbidding teenagers to get out of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 homes can have major consequences. Young
people
Use synonyms
 are discovering the world,
thus
Linking Words
, they want to learn in their way. When adults encourage the prohibition,
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 lead to
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 the distrust between their parents.
For instance
Linking Words
, they will be willing to do more
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
dangerous activities hiding
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their parents. Another aspect to consider is that
this
Linking Words
 situation affects
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the liberty of expression and
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 for the
people
Use synonyms
. In the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 it will be difficult to make their own choices and it will affect
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 self-esteem.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, maybe
this
Linking Words
 prohibition was made to protect their inhabitants from
dangerous
Replace the word
danger
show examples
,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is not a good solution. Facing the
problems
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as crime rates,
drug
Correct word choice
and drug
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a city should be enhancing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the population and state.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government could create a plan and give more attention to these cities, which
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 more help to combat
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
. To conclude, in spite of the imposition want to their young citizen
stay
Fix the infinitive
to stay
show examples
 safe, it is not a good solution. In my opinion, the government should
staying
Change the form of the verb
stay
show examples
 present in these areas and give solutions to the real
problems
Use synonyms
 and not affects the liberty of their young
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ealvaradodlf on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: