IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some feel that tourism endangers culture while others feel it tis beneficial. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that the
tourism
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 industry plays a significant role in today’s society.
However
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, other individuals claim that it is harmful to
culture
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,
while
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 other people think it is advantageous. I am of the opinion that
tourism
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 is beneficial because many people can exchange their
culture
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 and spread it around the world. On the one hand, exposure to a variety of cultures can sometimes blur the lines of cultural identity, especially among younger generations who may struggle to define their sense of belonging. An appropriate example of
this
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 is children of immigrants who often grow up speaking a different language at home
while
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 being educated in a
culture
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 that follows totally different types. Not only languages, but there are
also
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 numerous parts that can cause clashes in values
,
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apply
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 and customs.
Therefore
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,
this
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 can lead to an identity crisis, where individuals feel they do not belong anywhere.
On the other hand
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, by exchanging various nation’s cultures, most countries can develop the weakness of their own traditions by learning from others.
This
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 is especially true in most societies that have their own limitations in education, public health, and the environment.
However
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, exposure to diverse cultural backgrounds can provide easy and new solutions and ideas.
Likewise
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, communities with limited diversity address the shortcomings by incorporating beneficial habits from each
culture
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. In conclusion, though it might seem that
tourism
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 has negative effects on other countries, I am of the opinion that increasing the popularity of
tourism
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 has significant benefits not only encouraging the evolution of better practices but
also
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 promoting mutual understanding.

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task achievement
Clarify some points in your essay, particularly in the argument about cultural identity. Make explicit connections between tourism and cultural identity to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to introduce more linking devices to improve the flow of your ideas. For instance, using phrases like 'in addition' or 'furthermore' can help connect your thoughts more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your claims about tourism benefiting culture. This could involve mentioning specific cultural exchanges or successful tourism initiatives that have enhanced cultural understanding.
strength
You clearly articulated your opinion in the introduction, which sets a strong foundation for your essay.
strength
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reiterates your viewpoint on the benefits of tourism.
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