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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men, so there is logic that men and women should share the household tasks equally. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 a rising trend for
women
Use synonyms
 to have full-time
work
Use synonyms
, entering the labour market with equivalent access as
men
Use synonyms
. Undoubtedly, the conventional allocation of housework in which
women
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 undertake the majority of the
work
Use synonyms
 may not
work
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 well with “double income” families. Some people believe strongly that
both
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 should participate in everyday chores and contribute equally. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. On the one hand,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is no doubt that
both
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 males and females should contribute to a family,
both
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 economically and physically. Before the
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
show examples
, males used to secure full-time jobs, undertaking the responsibility to support their families financially.
Women
Use synonyms
 took in-house chores independently and covered every duty at home.
However
Linking Words
, we now live in a modern society where
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 share an equivalent right to a job, and
both
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 are capable of earning sufficient income to make a living.
Both
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 have to commute from office to home on a daily basis, bearing the same level of stress and anxiety from jobs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, as
both
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men
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 and
women
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 can contribute to the family financially, it does not make sense to allocate all physical
work
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 to
women
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 anymore.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, active engagement from
both
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 mother and father sets excellent examples for children who naturally imitate their parents, teaching them how to cooperate with others harmoniously and effectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is irrational and difficult to determine equality in household
work
Use synonyms
 because people have different specialities and preferences. What is considered tough and time-consuming by a husband, may be seen as a piece of cake by a wife. In my opinion, couples should share household responsibilities, and the allocation of detailed duties should be based on personal strengths and habits.
For example
Linking Words
, a husband who enjoys tutoring children with homework should be granted the task, and his wife can choose other tasks with which she feels comfortable. When it comes to some undecided tasks that nobody wants, it is crucial for a couple to have a talk and understand what the other party thinks before reaching/agreeing to a final decision. In a nutshell, I believe that
both
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men
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 and
women
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 should participate actively to take care of the big family, but absolute fairness is not necessary to keep the game running. After all, a couple is consisted of two partners, working jointly to live a life of happiness and self-fulfilment.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is great. However, make sure to elaborate a bit more about why equality in household tasks is important.
coherence
Your essay is logically structured. Each paragraph presents a clear idea. Consider adding more linking words to improve flow between ideas.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, but make sure to expand on them to strengthen your points further.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well. However, you may want to include a stronger restatement of your main idea.
task achievement
Clear argument about the need for equality in household tasks, which is well-supported in the response.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate that tasks can be divided based on strengths and preferences.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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