Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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A section of the young generation utilizes a long duration of their time on mobile

phones

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daily.

This

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is because of social media and assignments.

However

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this

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is a detrimental trend because of illness.

This

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essay will explain in detail the reasons for my stance

as well as

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examples in the subsequent paragraphs.

To begin

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with, the most compelling factor for long duration on mobile by children is social media. The majority of youngsters

use

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most social networks to do a lot of activities

such

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as chatting and watching funny videos in order to relax from stress.

For instance

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,most young people

use

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social networks like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter every day. They spend at least 6 hours.

Although

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funny videos help them relax from stress, it

also

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causes eye problem.

Moreover

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, it helps them to do their research.Most students do not have money to buy laptops so they tend to

use

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their

phones

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mostly for their assignments.

Hence

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leading to them using their smartphones each day.

Secondly

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this

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is a negative development because of sickness. When they are using their dial, their eyes are glued to the screen of the

phones

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which cause vision problem in the long run.

For example

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,a colleague of mine is blind

as a result

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of his eyes being glued to his phone for a long time.

Government

Correct article usage

The government

show examples

should limit phone

use

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so that the citizens will be healthier. It causes deafness because of radiation emitted into the body because of its continued

use

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of it. In conclusion, the essay argued about factors

as well as

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the negative trends of smartphones. Social networks and research are the two main reasons youngsters operate by

phones

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for a long time

whereas

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eye problem is the demerit associated with it.

razab5469Sat Nov 19 2022

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task response

The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear position on whether the trend is positive or negative. It needs to provide a more balanced discussion of both sides of the issue.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear structure and organization. It jumps between ideas without clear transitions, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points. The introduction also needs to clearly introduce the topic and the writer's position.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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