Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

A section of the young generation utilizes a long duration of their time on mobile
phones
daily.
This
is because of social media and assignments.
However
,
this
is a detrimental trend because of illness.
This
essay will explain in detail the reasons for my stance
as well as
examples in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
with, the most compelling factor for long duration on mobile by children is social media. The majority of youngsters
use
most social networks to do a lot of activities
such
as chatting and watching funny videos in order to relax from stress.
For instance
,most young people
use
social networks like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter every day. They spend at least 6 hours.
Although
funny videos help them relax from stress, it
also
causes eye problem.
Moreover
, it helps them to do their research.Most students do not have money to buy laptops so they tend to
use
their
phones
mostly for their assignments.
Hence
leading to them using their smartphones each day.
Secondly
,
this
is a negative development because of sickness. When they are using their dial, their eyes are glued to the screen of the
phones
which cause vision problem in the long run.
For example
,a colleague of mine is blind
as a result
of his eyes being glued to his phone for a long time.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should limit phone
use
so that the citizens will be healthier. It causes deafness because of radiation emitted into the body because of its continued
use
of it. In conclusion, the essay argued about factors
as well as
the negative trends of smartphones. Social networks and research are the two main reasons youngsters operate by
phones
for a long time
whereas
eye problem is the demerit associated with it.
Submitted by razab5469 on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear position on whether the trend is positive or negative. It needs to provide a more balanced discussion of both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and organization. It jumps between ideas without clear transitions, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points. The introduction also needs to clearly introduce the topic and the writer's position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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