IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviours. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviours the most. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #influences #behaviours #amount #time #television
Some acts of our
children
 remain inexplicable. While some people believe that their behaviours are coming from the content they are exposing in television, others argue that the duration of exposition to television
programs
 is the main problem of
this
 issue. In my opinion, I think the content and
programs
 on television are the main sources of these unusual behaviours. On the one hand, passing a deep message takes
time
, so
letting
Change the form of the verb
let
show examples
 our
children
 be exposed to abnormal messages through some visual
programs
 repeatedly for a long
time
, will push them to accept it no matter what those messages are.
For example
, during the
last
 decades, we could easily figure out that our
children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
no longer have issues of staying hours fixed in one place,
this
 will undoubtedly lead them to become lazier. if we reduce the amount of exposition in front of these
programs
, they would have more
time
 to complete their useful tasks and more
time
 for some outdoor activities.
On the other hand
, I think the please has a significant impact on their presence because it shows them some chosen messages, which will alter their acts in the long term. that means the ideology of our offspring could control it by using some plan on a TV set.
For example
, in 2022, Disney released their movies for a sex-gender purpose which will take our
children
 accepting unconsciously these ideas. In conclusion, while some
practice
Fix the agreement mistake
practices
show examples
 of our
children
 could be affected by the amount of
time
 they spend on tv, I think that the comfortable itself has a significant impact on their reactions.
Submitted by abdazizhimmi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: