The growing number of overweight people is putting strain on health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the schools curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The increase of
people
with obesity is putting pressure on the health care
system in an effort to deal with Correct your spelling
healthcare
health
issues involved. Some communities argue that the best method to solve Correct article usage
the health
this
problem is to introduce more physical lessons
in the schools' curriculum. I would agree with this
idea, however
, I believe there is a more convenient and effective way to reach the objective.
Firstly
, to combat the rising number of overweight people
, more physical education lessons
in class could be considered. Conducting this
activity is such
a proper way to deal with the concern. By doing so, students would be more aware of their health and lifestyle and hopefully, they will do more exercise regularly in their daily lives. Therefore
, through this
initiative, the number of overweight people
will decrease gradually.
On the other hand
, tackling the overweight issues could not be simplified by giving more education lessons
, it is a complicated issue. The root cause of being overweight is people
have less activity than they should. Therefore
, encouraging people
to do enough activities is a key factor to prevent people
from obesity. In my opinion, the government could take action by making policies that make people
have more activities. Some of them are building more sports facilities and wide pedestrians, therefore
people
will feel more comfortable and get ease to do more exercise.
In conclusion, providing more physical education lessons
is profound and crucial for students' healthcare, nevertheless
government's incredible policies toward a healthy lifestyle have a massive impact on keeping under control the number of overweight. To avoid obesity, people
have to do more activities, then
facilitating them wisely will effectively encourage them to exercise regularly. I believe this
approach has more favourable results compared to giving more lessons
in school.Submitted by alfianarrizkyp on
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task achievement
To further strengthen your essay, consider adding more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, you could discuss successful case studies from countries where physical education in schools has had a positive impact on obesity rates.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within that paragraph contribute to that idea. This will make your essay's structure even more robust and easier to follow. For example, you could separate the discussion of physical education from the broader policy recommendations into two distinct paragraphs.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view on the issue, considering both the advantages of increased physical education and the need for broader governmental policies.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to different aspects of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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