IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some argue that patriotism is the primary cause of wars globally. Others feel that it serves to prevent less ethical politicians from running a country and starting wars.

#argue #patriotism #wars #politicians #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 proclaim that
nationalism
Use synonyms
 is the main driver of wars around the world. Others believe it serves as a safeguard against less moral
politicians
Use synonyms
 taking power and inciting conflict. It is agreed that
nationalism
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 a political direction aimed at improving your
state
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. On the one hand, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 nothing wrong
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 being
patriotic
Add an article
a patriotic
show examples
 person.
Such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 always concentrate on improving their
country
Use synonyms
, and definitely not on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beginning wars, because they know that it will destroy their
country
Use synonyms
 on
economic
Add an article
an economic
the economic
show examples
 and political
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Ukrainian president Vladimir Zelensky, who was an ordinary citizen living in his
country
Use synonyms
 and working as an actor, became an excellent example of what should true patriots be like. He started his presidential campaign and received huge support from
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. He
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
concentrated on strengthening the
state
Use synonyms
 and improving life for Ukrainians and
Add a missing verb
had
show examples
never
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
interested in others states.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , some
politicians
Use synonyms
 become so obsessed with
nationalism
Use synonyms
 ideas
so
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they even could start wars in order to prove to everyone that their nation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the best one.
For instance
Linking Words
,
recent
Add an article
a recent
the recent
show examples
 war that was started by
Use synonyms
Change the capitalization
Russia
show examples
russia
Correct article usage
the russia
show examples
 federation could be a nice example of
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 understanding of
nationalism
Use synonyms
. It is proven by the fact , that one of the
condition
Change to a plural noun
conditions
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 ending
war
Add an article
the war
show examples
 was denazification from
Use synonyms
Change the capitalization
Russia
show examples
russia
Correct article usage
the russia
show examples
 side. Attempts to destroy the Ukrainian nationality ,reasoned by their own security, invokes
feeling
Add an article
the feeling
a feeling
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
Russia
Replace the word
Russian
show examples
politicians
Use synonyms
 become so obsessed with their own
country
Use synonyms
so
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they decide that they can do whatever they want. It is a
really
Replace the word
real
show examples
 live example of which consequence could cause by too patriotic
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Russia
Replace the word
Russian
show examples
 authorities done the biggest mistake that will destroy their
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 and their
state
Use synonyms
 completely
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
contrary to the concept of
nationalism
Use synonyms
. To summarise, patriotic
people
Use synonyms
 should
should
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
be interested
only
Change preposition
in only
show examples
improvement
Change preposition
in improvement
show examples
 and definitely not in
destroying
Replace the word
destruction
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, patriotic
people
Use synonyms
 could positively
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
state
Use synonyms
 and they shouldn’t forget about what true
nationalism
Use synonyms
 is. After a thorough analysis of
this
Linking Words
 subject, it is predicted that all
politicians
Use synonyms
 will use
conception
Add an article
the conception
show examples
 of
nationalism
Use synonyms
 for powerful improvements in their countries and not for destroying others.
Submitted by ydotsenko97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nationalism
  • xenophobia
  • aggressive policies
  • accountability
  • diplomacy
  • national unity
  • ethical political leadership
  • extreme patriotism
  • patriotic sentiment
  • diplomatic solutions
  • internal conflicts
  • external conflicts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: