IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Giving children an adolescent pocket money is common throughout the world. this goes the advantages and disadvantages of this practice and give your own opinion.

#children #adolescent #pocket #money #world #practice
Pocket
money
 is
essential
Add an article
an essential
the essential
show examples
 element and is considered very important for
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 and adolescents as they are not earning
money
 and are dependent on others.
This
 is common practice
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world.
However
, being dependent on others for their own
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 in form of the
pocket
money
 is associated with both pros and cons and I will
discussed
Change the verb form
discuss
show examples
 them both in
this
 essay.
Also
, I am
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
show examples
 that advantages far
exceeds
Change the verb form
exceed
show examples
 disadvantages and
this
 is the basic right of
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 under 18 years.
To begin
 with,
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 under eighteen years are usually not allowed to work in
many
Correct your spelling
any
show examples
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of the world and
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
 illegal. In order to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the basic needs of the child, parents are responsible to provide for them so that they can enjoy their childhood better.
Also
,
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 can concentrate fully on their studies if they are free of
stress
Add an article
the stress
show examples
 of earning
money
. Moving forward to disadvantages,
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 can become callous of finances as they are not earning for themselves but
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 parents .
Moreover
,
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 can get into trouble and may
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in wrong social practices
such
 as smoking cigarettes or can spend their
money
 carelessly on unwanted things. UPTO my mind, I think that
pocket
money
 should be given as
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 pros exceeds
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 cons. To conclude, parents are responsible for giving
pocket
money
 to their
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 to make them enjoy their childhood and stay focused on their studies.
Submitted by kadem.naresh286 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: