IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children should watch TV regularly both in school and at home? Do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #school #home
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As technology develops, many individuals prefer to
transfer
 their
money
 to other people via online banking applications.
Firstly
,
this
 essay will discuss the possible cyberattack while using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 to
transfer
money
 and
secondly
, it will discuss how
this
 process makes people’s life easier. On the one hand, nowadays,
although
 most websites use cybersecurity to prevent cyberattacks, surfing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the internet is still dangerous, especially sending
money
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 online platforms because of hackers. There are some methods which hackers use to hack online banking applications to steal
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the customers of those banks.
For example
, if a customer
transfer
money
, at that
time
 a hacker can change the card information of the receiver to his own card information that the sender will send his
money
 to the hacker.
On the other hand
, after online banking systems were released, they started to make individuals’ life more comfortable and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
saves
time
 for people. Because people no longer need to waste their
time
 by sending
money
 via telegram as in the past.
Fix the agreement mistake
Today
show examples
Todays
Correct your spelling
Today
show examples
, thanks to the internet and smartphones, everyone can open
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 online bank application and
transfer
money
 by only entering
receiver’s
Correct article usage
the receiver’s
show examples
 information,
then
 after clicking submit button the
money
 is going to be transferred in seconds. To sum up, despite the fact that using online systems is dangerous in terms of losing your
money
 to hackers, it is much easier and more comfortable to
transfer
money
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those platforms without wasting your
time
.
Submitted by manqanat1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: