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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #overpopulation #governments #businesses #individuals #move #areas #trend
Stores should not have permission to sell
people
food
 or
drinks
 that
harmful
Add a missing verb
are harmful
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
health
. As
health
 is the most important thing for us I completely agree with
this
 opinion.
Health
 is
most
Add an article
a most
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 priceless thing than anything else.
People
 should take care of their life, because if they
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 it will be suffering for them. As
food
 and
drinks
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
health
 directly, they should be chosen carefully.
For instance
, some
food
 or
drinks
 that scientifically proven to be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
people
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cause serious diseases in future. That’s why we should protect
us
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
 and be careful what we eat. Another reason is it is not
ethic
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ethical
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 to sell something that has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
’s
health
. Shops should not sell
these
Change the determiner
this food
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food
 and
drinks
 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 benefit from them. It is understandable that not everyone thinks
this
 way
as
Change preposition
apply
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just like company leaders,
however
 it wrong way to earn money. So, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 shop leaders should be more careful what they sell and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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understand they have responsibility for
people
. To summarize, as
people
’s life is valuable,
food
 and drink should be made more carefully and of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 it is not ethical to damage their
health
.
Submitted by manqanat1 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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