IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. In some places, old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #places #age #cultures #youth
In certain parts of the
world
, elderly
people
 are valued more , while in some other
countries
 importance is given to young
people
.
This
 is due to various reasons and
this
 essay will discuss both of these views and offers an opinion.
First
 off, elderly
people
 tend
influence
Add the particle
to influence
show examples
 or direct the
countries
 based on the
country
's
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 and traditions.
Countries
 like Japan value old age
people
 more as they have made a dramatic change in the
country
's economy after the
second
world
 war. Many elderly
people
 followed traditional methods of running businesses and expanded them across the
world
.
Further
 western
countries
 visited Japan to learn about their traditional production methods and lifestyle etc.
Moreover
, old age
people
 tend to be more inclusive and make calm and composed decisions and these may benefit everyone in the
country
 or region. Due to their past experience, they are more capable of handling difficult situations.
On the other hand
, youths dominate the developed
countries
 as they are the key reasons for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
faster economic growth and
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 developments.
Countries
 like India and China are called economic
Correct your spelling
powerhouses
show examples
power houses
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powerhouses
show examples
 due to their large young population. They are the major reason for
surge
Correct article usage
the surge
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economic
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in economic
show examples
 growth in their
countries
, where the
countries
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country's
countries'
show examples
 gross domestic products have grown exponentially over the years. Since
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of the workforce in these
countries
 are youths, they offer many skills to the industries in the region.
Moreover
, youth are able to bring new technologies to the
world
.
This
 may automate tasks and reduce
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of production in the industries. In my opinion, youth should be given more priority as they help to improve the
country
's economy and bring optimal results to corporations by introducing
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 technologies.
This
 may help to eliminate traditional manual
Correct your spelling
workloads
show examples
work loads
Correct your spelling
workloads
show examples
.
People
 should take care of elderly
people
 by providing essential needs but involving elderly
people
 in
decision making
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decision-making
show examples
 should be reduced as they are
resistance
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resistant
show examples
 to change and may affect the growth of the
country
.
Further
,
countries
 like Japan
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
Correct your spelling
number
numer
Correct your spelling
number
 of older
people
 and they are
struggling
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tostruggling
show examples
 compete with other
countries
 since they don't have sufficient young human capital.
Therefore
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 necessary to give more priority to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
 influence the
world
 more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
 by offering benefits to
countries
 by improving the economy and the lifestyle of
people
, elderly
people
 tend to resist
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
change and do not cope up with the
Add a hyphen
fast-moving
show examples
fast moving
Add a hyphen
fast-moving
show examples
world
.
Submitted by Jay_Practise on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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