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Band 5.5

Some young people like to copy the behaviour and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problems can it cause?

#people #copy #behaviour #clothes #be #case
It is hard to deny that
celebrities
 have a huge impact on youth. Indeed a lot of young members of society like to imitate
fashion
Correct article usage
the fashion
show examples
 sense and
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 behaviour of famous
stars
. It is agreed that
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 teens might
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 themselves by imitating
stars
.
This
 essay will discuss
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 and possible consequences that
this
 trend case.
Teenage
Correct article usage
The teenage
show examples
 years is the time when people tried to find themselves and shape their personality. So they look at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
 and wanna be loved and successful as they are. So youths so aspire to copy
favourite
Correct pronoun usage
their favourite
show examples
stars
 because they thought that if they will copy their lifestyle and behaviour in general, they will be as successful as
stars
Correct article usage
the stars
show examples
 are.
Also
, often
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of society try to impress their peers by wearing
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 clothes as
celebrities
 are, or just acting like them . On the one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there is nothing wrong that young people
want
Wrong verb form
wanting
show examples
 to be successful and noticed by others.
On the other hand
, unhealthy infatuation
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 someone might cause negative consequences. People could be so infatuated with a person
so
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they
started
Add the particle
tostarted
show examples
 change themselves and became completely similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them .
For instance
, Merry Lund from Canada was so obsessed with Angelina Joli
so
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 she even made some plastic surgeries in order to look like Angelina .
Furthermore
, Marry maintained
Correct your spelling
strict
Correct article usage
a strickt
show examples
strickt
Correct your spelling
strict
 diet in order to
became
Change the verb
become
show examples
such
 slim as Angelina.
Such
 unhealthy fanaticism
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 her to
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 her personality and herself in general. To summarise,
success
Correct article usage
the success
show examples
 and fame that
celebrities
 have is the main reason why teens want to be like them .
Youth
Fix the agreement mistake
Youths
show examples
 look at the
stars
 and want to be
such
 popular as they are . But sometimes it might outgrow
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 unhealthy infatuation leading to unpleasant consequences.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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