IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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By consuming a huge amount of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 individuals are
suffered
Change the form of the verb
suffering
show examples
 from health issues and the
number
Use synonyms
 got increased in a few states
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
 thought it is obligate that
governments
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 should increase the amounts of
tax
Use synonyms
 on
such
Linking Words
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
foods
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. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and
this
Linking Words
 essay will show the sufferings of poor
people
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 and the solution rather than increasing the
tax
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. To commence with, if
governments
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 increase taxes on fast
foods
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, perhaps a
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should stop buying these
foods
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, but a
lot
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 of poor individuals will have to suffer a
lot
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 for large amounts of taxes.
Correct pronoun usage
People
show examples
They
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who have a wealthy background
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not stop to buy these types of
junk
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foods
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,
consequently
Linking Words
,
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
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 who will suffer from physical problems will not stop. Though there are a
lot
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 of
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
 and younger
people
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 who are recently
got
Replace the word
gotten
show examples
 obsessed with
junk
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food
Use synonyms
, it is hard to convince them to stop
this
Linking Words
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, by taking some unavoidable steps
governments
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 can stop the
number
Use synonyms
 which is getting increased day by day.
For instance
Linking Words
, by making some publicity of diseases that are
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 because of consuming
junk
Use synonyms
foods
Use synonyms
. Because of these
advertisements
Add a comma
,advertisements
show examples
 some
people
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 will obviously get conscious
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
such
Linking Words
 kind of health issues. Perhaps by improving the
number
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 of playgrounds and playing parks as well as fitness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
it is possible to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue. If
people
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 take any kind of
food
Use synonyms
 but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
still do a
lot
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 of
exercise
Change to a plural noun
exercises
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it got adjusted in
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 bodies. To conclude, I disagree with the
tax
Use synonyms
 increment by
governments
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.
Use synonyms
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
Number of increasing
Correct quantifier usage
Increasing
show examples
exercise related
Add a hyphen
exercise-related
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
and playgrounds for
people
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’s fitness
instead
Linking Words
 of increasing the
tax
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
 can solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by koly2751 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: