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Writing Samples
Band 6

While some people think that art is an important subject for children to study, others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is considered by some that it is necessary for pupils to learn
art
Use synonyms
 at school,
while
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 others believe that it is time-consuming. On the one hand, there are several reasons why some people think that drawing is beneficial for children. Providing lessons for
art
Use synonyms
-related subjects at schools may help expand kids’ minds. It logically follows that
this
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 will be able to teach them to express their thoughts and their ideas.
For instance
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, when young teenagers with good imaginations learn arts, which means learning how to draw,
moreover
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 those classes will
consequently
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 promote the young’s imaginative thinking and creativity.
Furthermore
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, children become calmer and more stress-resistant
while
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 painting.
According to
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 statistics, kids who paint fewer faces with depression, than others who are against drawing.
On the other hand
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, learning
art
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 is beneficial for those young students who were born with innate talents in drawing.
However
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, for those who dream of becoming experts in other fields, particularly science, it is wasteful in terms of time and effort.So,
this
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 is mainly because of time, which can be efficiently used in other important subjects. If,
for instance
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, students
aimed
Wrong verb form
aim
show examples
 to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
, they might need to pay more attention to mathematics, physics and chemistry.
In addition
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 to that, spending a lot of time on
art
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 will reduce kids’ chances
to find
Change preposition
of finding
show examples
 a well-paid job.
For example
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, pupils who had many hours of
art
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 at school would not how to earn money until their 18th. In conclusion, despite the fact that
art
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 plays a fundamental role in children's creativity outcomes,
nevertheless
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, I believe that
instead
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 of studying
this
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 subject, which is time-consuming, schools have to provide more science, economics and law lessons, which are more important nowadays.

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task achievement
Expand on the main points and provide more detailed examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate different ideas in your paragraphs to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary, especially in the introduction and conclusion, to enhance expressiveness.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as statistics about the mental health benefits of art, adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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