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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #planners #shops #schools #offices #homes #areas
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Some Urban planning officers wish to separate shops, schools, offices and houses into different
blocks
. Personally, I completely disagree with the idea, and I believe that urban should mix infrastructures and common facilities up. There are several reasons why the disadvantages of separating facilities from each other outdo the advantages.
Firstly
, it is quite inconvenient for civics’ daily lives, who would drive to shops which are all far away from their home, and commuters could spend a lot of time on the road between homes and workspaces.
Secondly
, traffic jams often happen at specific periods of each week in the
city
,
for example
, commonly, most families plan to go shopping at weekends, which leads to
congesting
Replace the word
congestion
show examples
 in shopping
blocks
 at weekends always.
Finally
, the separating
blocks
 would eliminate a
city
’s culture, literally, decreasing the possibility of communication with each civic whose backgrounds are various.
On the other hand
, my view is that mixing each facility up is more beneficial for a
city
, which has some compelling arguments. One possible reason is that the complex
blocks
 of a modern
city
 might improve the efficiency of common life, imagining that people can pick up and drop off children at school, and work in the same block, which can obviously save
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traffic time.
furthermore
, it can be convenient for daily life,
for instance
, an employee buys necessities of life directly when they come back.
Additionally
, a prosperous culture would be developed in the
city
 as more and more communication exists between versatile
city
blocks
. In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of complex
blocks
 in a
city
 do outweigh the disadvantages, so I completely disagree with the idea that a
city
 should separate different facilities from each other.
Submitted by a1552094108 on

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coherence cohesion
Some sentences are complex and difficult to understand. Simplify to improve clarity.
task achievement
Increase the use of specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Clear introduction and conclusion are present.
task achievement
Main points are covered.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • spatial organization
  • urban sprawl
  • economic development
  • congestion
  • efficient land use
  • noise pollution
  • mitigating
  • amenities
  • reliance on vehicles
  • commute times
  • socioeconomic groups
  • diversity
  • sense of community
  • mixed-use spaces
  • sustainable urban lifestyles
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