Some people think that many renowned personalities are popular because of their riches and extravagant lifestyle, rather than their achievements, and this influences the youth in a negative way.

Some
people
say that the majority of celebrities are well-known due to their wealth and
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
lifestyle
instead
of their successes and
this
has a negative impact on young
people
. Overall I agree with the statement. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
I will explain why.
To begin
with , the chief reason why
starts
Correct your spelling
stars
show examples
and athletes are famous is social media.
That is
, the more financial aspects of their life
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
published on the Internet , the more their hard-workings and achievement will be ignored. A good example of
this
is Beckam`s family ,who have worked
hardly
Replace the word
hard
show examples
for many years ,all of their trips and cars are always on the websites .
This
in turn media content would have a significant effect on
audience
Add an article
the audience
show examples
about intrusive famous
people
.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
teenagers are likely to consider celebrities ,introduced
Replace the word
were
show examples
where by
Correct your spelling
whereby
show examples
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
and News , as their role models. To put it differently , as long as
wealth
Correct article usage
the wealth
show examples
and
fancy
Correct article usage
the fancy
show examples
lifestyle of stars
appears
Change the verb form
appear
show examples
to the youth, they will probably set financial goals as
a lifelong ambitions
Correct the article-noun agreement
lifelong ambitions
a lifelong ambition
show examples
. take
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
tendency of students for higher education
for example
; they tend to make money
instead
of going
university
Change preposition
to university
show examples
.So as result , not only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will
be face
Change the verb form
be faced
show examples
with a lack of specialists and inventors , but
also
the young
people
miss a chance
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
personal development in their lifetime. To sum up , I personally take the view that the young can be affected inappropriately by
luxury
Add an article
the luxury
a luxury
show examples
lifestyle of well-known individuals .
This
is because, they
just
Add a missing verb
are just
show examples
represented through social nets as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich models, irrespective of their efforts and
prosperities
Replace the word
prosperity
show examples
.
Submitted by noorihaniye69 on

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

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  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

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  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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