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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many things that used to be done in home by hands are now being done by machines . Does it bring more advantages or disadvantages ?

#home #hands #machines
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The technology of automation has infiltrated almost every business in the world, substituting manpower by streamlining processes and making them substantially faster with fewer discrepancies. I personally hold the view that the existing pace of automation of labour-oriented processes at home exhibits strengths only. The first salient advantage of having automated processes is enhanced efficiency. I believe
,
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 a majority of the food we consume should better be prepared with
machines
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 to cope with rising market demand.
For instance
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,
people
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 used to produce their own pasta, resulting in a lot of clean-up and time loss.
However
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, they can now purchase or even order factory-made pasta from the nearest grocery stores at a considerably cheaper price.
Additionally
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, the pharmaceutical industry has undergone a massive improvement after the application of automated equipment in the production lines, skyrocketing the produced medicine volumes which used to be part of a homemade solution.
Moreover
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, as of now, a big portion of the daily household jobs that were once done by hand were replaced with modern and comprehensive machinery, saving them time and resources. To illustrate, in the past,
people
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 used to hand wash dishes,
whereas
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 now they have dishwashing
machines
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 that can clean far more efficiently than a human could manage.
Furthermore
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, the invention of vacuum
machines
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 has compelled
people
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 to gravitate towards embracing technology rather than resisting it. In conclusion, despite some
people
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 perceiving technology as an enemy that wants to relegate humanity, I believe that with the help of these upgraded
machines
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, humanity can make life easier for
people
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 to designate time for more prioritized tasks.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that the essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, as the prompt asks for a comparison. While your stance supports the advantages, bringing in some contrasting points about the disadvantages would provide a more balanced response and fully meet the task requirement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases, ensuring that ideas and paragraphs flow logically from one to the next. This can lead the reader through your argument more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
To score higher in supported main points, provide more detailed examples and explain how they directly relate to the central argument. This will strengthen your position and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • domestic help
  • smart home technologies
  • energy-efficient
  • resource depletion
  • over-dependence
  • external services
  • maintenance
  • replacements
  • leisure activities
  • tedious tasks
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