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Band 1

There should be laws to control the amount and the type of violence shown on television programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#laws #control #amount #type #violence #television #programs
Some
people
 argue that the amount and type of violence displayed on television programs should be ruled by the law, but I believe that
people
 have a right to watch what they want. Everybody
spend
Change the verb form
spends
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 their time on television
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 like not
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
 do not enjoy. Since there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 numerous
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of channels,
people
 definitely find what they like.
Therefore
, what is the point of watching and spending their precious time on
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 they dislike
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that it has
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 impact on children.
However
, programs which are included violence have an age restriction. So it is their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 role to control it.
In addition
,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 we try to hide it from young
people
, the more crime will occur.
Therefore
, we should teach them
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 impact and how to prevent
from
Correct pronoun usage
it from
show examples
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age.
Submitted by ET21002ndgroup on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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