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Band 7.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Children have become addicted to their
phones
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 recently. Several factors cause
this
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 phenomenon as well as its respective consequences. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss them and conclude with my perception.
To begin
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 with, smartphones are making people's lives more convenient and easy, not only adults but
also
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 kids can benefit from it. The young generation can do any kind of stuff with their
phones
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,
such
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 as get supplements for school, play games, keep in touch with their friends, and so on. Nearly everything can be done in the virtual
world
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 now, except for going to the bathroom or having a meal.
As a result
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, youngsters spend a huge amount of time in the virtual
world
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.
However
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, teens' eyes being glued to smartphones has detrimental impacts on many aspects.
First
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 of all, it will damage our health, since spending hours on electronic devices means one will be seated and watching the screen for a long time, which will harm our eyes and result in obesity.
Moreover
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, due to the lack of communicating with others or seeing people face to face kids will be bad at interpersonal skills.
Last
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,
although
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 children can learn knowledge from the internet, it is still vital for them to really go out and see the
world
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 because seeing the
world
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 and feeling the atmosphere can provoke different feelings and experiences in them. In conclusion, children spend too much time on their mobile
phones
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 every day, and I believe the demerits of
this
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 development outweigh its merits. As a consequence, I suggest parents should think twice before buying their offsprings
phones
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.
Submitted by n0806ing on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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