IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Large companies use sporting events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #events #products #people #impact #sports
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Products
 are advertised in sporting
events
 by big
companies
. To a certain
extent
Add a comma
,extent
show examples
 I agree that
this
 has some negative impact on
sports
.
However
, I
also
 think that it brings a lot of benefits. Admittedly, large
companies
 using sporting
events
 to promote their goods have some drawbacks. One of them is that unhealthy
products
 have the opportunity to sponsor sporting
events
. Famous athletes often advertise for their sponsors and
this
 particularly affected children because they prefer to follow their idols.
Consequently
, children consume unhealthy
products
 more while they are not really aware of
Correct article usage
the negatives
show examples
negatives
Change the noun form
negative
show examples
 impact of these dangerous
products
 on their health. Another drawback is
sports
 talents get high salaries at early ages. When you have a huge amount of money, which might cause uncontrollable spending and
this
 is easy to see in young people, who frequently lack financial management skills and rarely think about saving. In fact, newspapers often report on young talents falling into lavish lifestyles and drug addiction because of having too much money at a very young age. In my opinion, despite the aforementioned negatives, it
also
 has many advantages to
sports
.
Firstly
, Clubs and teams in
sports
 are given funding to continue operating. We know that maintaining a
sports
 club or team needs a lot of expenses and they usually come from sponsors. If large
companies
 don't spend money to promote their
products
 in sporting
events
, clubs and teams in
sports
 are going to disband for lack of finance.
This
also
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to organizers cannot organize sporting
events
 due to no clubs or team joining.
Secondly
, when sporting
events
 remain, it will bring attention to
sports
, inspiring the
next
 generation to play
sports
. In reality, in Vietnam, since the national football team of Vietnam achieve many achievements internationally, now we can see most Vietnamese love and play football everywhere. In conclusion,
although
 big
companies
 promoting their
products
 in sporting
events
 bring some negatives. it seems to me that
this
 has more benefits.
Submitted by quangha2504 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: