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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #travel #differences #home #country #cities #world #development
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Increasingly, lives have been suffering globalization's impact,and cities around the world have become more and more similar to each other. Actually,decades ago the population
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to travel abroad
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
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 about new cultures,
while
 nowadays usually use technology to look for different habits.In my opinion,
this
 is important for society and would like to discuss both sides in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, around the globe, there are many inequality improvements and states
such
 as the USA , Canada,Australia, and some European nations provide a life quality for their citizens compared to others.
For instance
, I have been to South
Africa
 some years ago and , there I visited South
Africa
 and neighbouring countries and it has visible inequality.In fact, in South ,
Africa
 I have dream experiences
such
 as visiting Viner
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and enjoying wonderful restaurants, and viewpoints,
while
 in others I only saw poverty, hunger and misery.
In addition
, South
Africa
 has been built by immigrants from Europe, Australia and the USA.So, I support globalism only to provide equality for all societies.
secondly
, in Brazil exists mixed cultures with people from Argentina,
Africa
, Europe, and many
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 places,
however
, we maintain our originality and those who decided to live here are contaminated with happiness and good moods. Obviously, companies worldwide
make
Verb problem
do
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 business with us and several imported products are commercialized in Brazil, to add,
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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 devices from Apple ,Microsoft, and so
.
Rephrase
on.
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Indeed the open market could help the economy and personal
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
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,
moreover
 provide countries look alike.
For example
, the USA and Brazil have some companies
such
 as Amazon,Disney , and so on. In ,conclusion globalization is vital for society and authorities from all countries must open their market for products and entrepreneurs abroad, so the economy and personal development will boost more and more.Throughout, global leaders have the responsibility of creating rules and keeping their originality.
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coherence cohesion
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