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Band 6

Consumption of the world's resources (such as oil, fresh water, etc) is increasing at a dangerously fast rate. What are the causes of this increased consumption? What can people do to reduce it?

#consumption #world #resources #oil #water #rate #people
In today's
world
, the
consumption
 of raw materials has increased in the
last
 decades. There are numerous reasons behind
this
consumption
, and there are
also
 remedies to handle
this
 huge usage.
This
 essay will address these reasons and corresponding solutions. The most common cause is the
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
show examples
 across the
world
. In light of
this
 fact, there is extreme
consumption
 of the earth's
resources
. Specifically, most developing countries engage in fierce competition to gain massive
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
.
This
 is exactly what is happening currently in the USA and China.
Furthermore
,
as a result
 of climate change and global warming, the existence of
resources
 has become significantly less compared with the
last
 30 years. Especially the source of fresh water.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unplanned
consumption
 will adversely affect the whole
world
.
As a result
 of the above-mentioned causes of
this
 problem, there are various solutions that can be implemented to tackle
such
 a matter. Some people suggest that governments should regulate policies to restrict the compulsive use of
resources
.
This
 idea has started to be implemented in some countries
such
 as Japan and Malaysia.
In addition
, their second recommended solution to
this
 issue is to enhance the nations' awareness about the importance of natural
resources
 and the hazards of using them without any consideration. In conclusion, the severe
consumption
 of the
world
's
resources
 is a result of many reasons, the major one being the current industrial revolution.
In contrast
, a number of solutions can be taken by governments and communities to handle
this
 issue.
Submitted by aisha_zain on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and that this idea is clearly stated.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific laws or initiatives can help support the causes and solutions mentioned.
task achievement
Avoid vague terms such as 'numerous reasons' or 'various solutions'. Be specific about the points you are making.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The arguments presented are relevant to the topic.
task achievement
The solutions suggested, such as government regulations and increasing public awareness, are practical and feasible.
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