IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Consumption of the world's resources (such as oil, fresh water, etc) is increasing at a dangerously fast rate. What are the causes of this increased consumption? What can people do to reduce it?

#consumption #world #resources #oil #water #rate #people
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In today's
world
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, the
consumption
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 of raw materials has increased in the
last
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 decades. There are numerous reasons behind
this
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consumption
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, and there are
also
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 remedies to handle
this
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 huge usage.
This
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 essay will address these reasons and corresponding solutions. The most common cause is the
industrial revolution
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Industrial Revolution
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 across the
world
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. In light of
this
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 fact, there is extreme
consumption
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 of the earth's
resources
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. Specifically, most developing countries engage in fierce competition to gain massive
profit
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profits
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.
This
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 is exactly what is happening currently in the USA and China.
Furthermore
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,
as a result
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 of climate change and global warming, the existence of
resources
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 has become significantly less compared with the
last
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 30 years. Especially the source of fresh water.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unplanned
consumption
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 will adversely affect the whole
world
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.
As a result
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 of the above-mentioned causes of
this
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 problem, there are various solutions that can be implemented to tackle
such
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 a matter. Some people suggest that governments should regulate policies to restrict the compulsive use of
resources
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.
This
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 idea has started to be implemented in some countries
such
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 as Japan and Malaysia.
In addition
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, their second recommended solution to
this
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 issue is to enhance the nations' awareness about the importance of natural
resources
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 and the hazards of using them without any consideration. In conclusion, the severe
consumption
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 of the
world
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's
resources
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 is a result of many reasons, the major one being the current industrial revolution.
In contrast
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, a number of solutions can be taken by governments and communities to handle
this
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 issue.
Submitted by aisha_zain on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and that this idea is clearly stated.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific laws or initiatives can help support the causes and solutions mentioned.
task achievement
Avoid vague terms such as 'numerous reasons' or 'various solutions'. Be specific about the points you are making.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The arguments presented are relevant to the topic.
task achievement
The solutions suggested, such as government regulations and increasing public awareness, are practical and feasible.
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