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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #world #lifestyle
It is frequently believed that maintaining a fit and healthy
lifestyle
 is extremely hard for modern civilized citizens.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 the contrasting views are
also
 shared by others who think that self-willingness is the vital factor to do the same as mentioned earlier.
This
 essay will portray the reasoning behind both sides of the argument with related examples and
finally
 include my opinion regarding
this
 burning issue. On the one hand, it’s pretty difficult to have a healthy and balanced
lifestyle
 in the modern world
due to
 the daily use of countless supreme technological innovations. Because of their extensive applications, people tend to become lazy and idle during active working hours.
For example
, a number of individuals like to spend their leisure time scrolling Google
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Facebook or YouTube webpages.
As a result
, they remain in sedentary positions for
a prolonged periods
Correct the article-noun agreement
prolonged periods
a prolonged period
show examples
 of time and ultimately, they are prone to suffer from obesity or fatty liver diseases.
Moreover
, the use of smart and intelligent devices in the city residents’ regular lives
also
 make them feel supremely tough to keep
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 body fit and healthy. The use of remote-controlled switches to on/off common electrical appliances is a prime instance with regard to the above-mentioned fact.
On the other hand
,
according to
 my opinion, the concerned person’s own desire and strong attitude towards keeping his body healthy and fit are the most prominent factors.
Besides
 using
tech-giants
Correct your spelling
tech giants
show examples
, if he has a strong intention to do jogging or cycling or even go to the nearest gym for regular physical exercise, he can easily be able to maintain a quite healthy
lifestyle
.
In addition
, if people desire to pass their idle moments by doing myriads of physical activities e.g. gardening or cleaning weeds rather than browsing the internet, they’ll surely keep their bodies fit and free from notorious diseases. In conclusion,
while
 people may vary in their opinion regarding the difficulty or easiness
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
 a healthy
lifestyle
, I think that the individual’s self-desire and positive attitude towards having a fit and healthy body are the key factors to be considered.
Submitted by souravroy2k9 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and maintains a clear progression of ideas. However, make sure to provide a more balanced approach and address both views equally.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a good introduction and conclusion, which is essential for addressing the task requirements. It is important to ensure a more balanced discussion of both views throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your use of relevant examples and explanations is effective in supporting your points. However, try to provide a more balanced discussion of both views throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task by discussing both views and presenting your opinion. Ensure that the two views are balanced and equally explored throughout the essay.
lexcial resource
Your essay displays a good range of vocabulary and effectively conveys your ideas. Ensure that the vocabulary used is appropriate and accurately used in context.
grammatical range
Your essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical control and sentence structure. However, watch out for repetitive language and ensure a more balanced discussion of both views throughout the essay.

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