Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #world #lifestyle

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It is frequently believed that maintaining a fit and healthy

lifestyle

Use synonyms

is extremely hard for modern civilized citizens.

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Although

Correct word choice

However

show examples

the contrasting views are

also

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shared by others who think that self-willingness is the vital factor to do the same as mentioned earlier.

This

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essay will portray the reasoning behind both sides of the argument with related examples and

finally

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include my opinion regarding

this

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burning issue. On the one hand, it’s pretty difficult to have a healthy and balanced

lifestyle

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in the modern world

due to

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the daily use of countless supreme technological innovations. Because of their extensive applications, people tend to become lazy and idle during active working hours.

For example

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, a number of individuals like to spend their leisure time scrolling Google

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Facebook or YouTube webpages.

As a result

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, they remain in sedentary positions for

a prolonged periods

Correct the article-noun agreement

prolonged periods

a prolonged period

show examples

of time and ultimately, they are prone to suffer from obesity or fatty liver diseases.

Moreover

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, the use of smart and intelligent devices in the city residents’ regular lives

also

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make them feel supremely tough to keep

the

Change the word

their

show examples

body fit and healthy. The use of remote-controlled switches to on/off common electrical appliances is a prime instance with regard to the above-mentioned fact.

On the other hand

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according to

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my opinion, the concerned person’s own desire and strong attitude towards keeping his body healthy and fit are the most prominent factors.

Besides

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using

tech-giants

Correct your spelling

tech giants

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, if he has a strong intention to do jogging or cycling or even go to the nearest gym for regular physical exercise, he can easily be able to maintain a quite healthy

lifestyle

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In addition

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, if people desire to pass their idle moments by doing myriads of physical activities e.g. gardening or cleaning weeds rather than browsing the internet, they’ll surely keep their bodies fit and free from notorious diseases. In conclusion,

while

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people may vary in their opinion regarding the difficulty or easiness

to have

Change preposition

of having

show examples

a healthy

lifestyle

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, I think that the individual’s self-desire and positive attitude towards having a fit and healthy body are the key factors to be considered.

Submitted by souravroy2k9 on Wed Nov 23 2022

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coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-structured and maintains a clear progression of ideas. However, make sure to provide a more balanced approach and address both views equally.

coherence cohesion

You have provided a good introduction and conclusion, which is essential for addressing the task requirements. It is important to ensure a more balanced discussion of both views throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

Your use of relevant examples and explanations is effective in supporting your points. However, try to provide a more balanced discussion of both views throughout the essay.

task achievement

You have effectively addressed the task by discussing both views and presenting your opinion. Ensure that the two views are balanced and equally explored throughout the essay.

lexcial resource

Your essay displays a good range of vocabulary and effectively conveys your ideas. Ensure that the vocabulary used is appropriate and accurately used in context.

grammatical range

Your essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical control and sentence structure. However, watch out for repetitive language and ensure a more balanced discussion of both views throughout the essay.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

346 words

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