IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

#people #health #sport #facilities #effect #measures
A growing
number
 of people are
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the view that the only possible way to improve public well-being is by rising the
number
 of amenities. Another common belief about wellness is that creating new
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 areas will have little influence on
this
 issue. Both sides of
this
 argument will be analysed before a reasoned conclusion will be drawn.
To begin
 with, by increasing the
number
 of stadiums and other
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 areas public health can be improved. To keep
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 in a good condition a person should follow an active lifestyle or do
sport
 regularly, but nowadays it is becoming more and more difficult because of sedentary work and lack of time. But if a fitness centre or a swimming pool will be near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each district more people will become able to go to the gym or swim after work,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
 well-being of
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 will get better. Meanwhile, there is another group who believe that other methods should be applied to rise
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number
 of people with good body condition. Other ways that can have
decent
Correct article usage
a decent
show examples
 influence on public wellness
such
 as propaganda of proper nutrition and prohibition of smoking and junk food should be required. To sum up, it is clear that both sides have strong grounds
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their views.
However
, in my opinion, other measures are required,
besides
 new
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities have to be built
around
Correct pronoun usage
themaround
show examples
.
Submitted by rykovanova.i.v on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • chronic diseases
  • preventative care
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • health initiatives
  • health education campaigns
  • social interaction
  • mental wellbeing
  • motivation
  • accessible venues
  • active lifestyle
  • quality healthcare
  • community hubs
  • multipronged approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: