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Band 5

Nowadays many people eat very badly in spite of the information which is available about ways to have a healthy, balanced diet.

#people #spite #information #diet
Food
 plays a vital role in human life because it provides
human
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humans
show examples
 with a huge source of nutrients which are significantly necessary to build up
human
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the human
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 body.
However
, nowadays, many consume bad
food
 containing plenty of
toxin
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toxins
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 and
Add a hyphen
lipid-like
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lipid
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lipids
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 like fast
food
, even though there have been
many
Replace the quantifier
much
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 information about ways to have a
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 or
Wrong verb form
balanced
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balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
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 diet.
This
 essay will give an analysis of the negative consequences if people continue eating
such
a
Correct article usage
apply
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bad
food
 on a regular basis and
then
 will recommend some possible solutions to
this
 problem. It is definitely
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
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 that ingesting too much junk
food
 will have
negative
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a negative
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 impact on human health.
Firstly
, it can cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overweight
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
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humans
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.
This
 is because of a large amount of starch and lipide content which make
human
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humans
show examples
 more overweight rapidly.
As a result
,
this
 will lead to many other kinds of serious diseases including digestive
disorder
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disorders
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, heart
system
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systems
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and lipid
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lipid
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lipids
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 in
blood
Add an article
the blood
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. More importantly,
this
 can be caused cancer.
Furthermore
,
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 brain system will be affected. For
this
 reason, our memory will not be as flexible as it used to be.
Therefore
, to decrease the consumption of bad blood, in my opinion, governments should impose higher
tax
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taxes
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in
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on
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this
 kind of
food
 with a view to reducing the ingestion of it.
Additionally
,
instead
 of eating fast
food
,
Add an article
the human
a human
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 had better consume
food
 containing both
vitamin
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vitamins
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, mineral contents and fibrous matter in combination with doing more
more
Remove the redundancy
apply
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exercise so that human life will be improved, healthier and more balanced. In summary, fast
food
 affects directly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our health
such
 as heart diseases, digestive diseases and our brain system as well.
Hence
, I hope that my measures will be useful
for
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in
show examples
 improving the quality of human life.
Submitted by rykovanova.i.v on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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