IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people eat very badly in spite of the information which is available about ways to have a healthy, balanced diet.

#people #spite #information #diet
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Food
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in human life because it provides
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 with a huge source of nutrients which are significantly necessary to build up
human
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the human
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 body.
However
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, nowadays, many consume bad
food
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 containing plenty of
toxin
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toxins
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 and
Add a hyphen
lipid-like
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lipid
Fix the agreement mistake
lipids
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 like fast
food
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, even though there have been
many
Replace the quantifier
much
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 information about ways to have a
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 or
Wrong verb form
balanced
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balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
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 diet.
This
Linking Words
 essay will give an analysis of the negative consequences if people continue eating
such
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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bad
food
Use synonyms
 on a regular basis and
then
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 will recommend some possible solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem. It is definitely
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
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 that ingesting too much junk
food
Use synonyms
 will have
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 impact on human health.
Firstly
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, it can cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overweight
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because of a large amount of starch and lipide content which make
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 more overweight rapidly.
As a result
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,
this
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 will lead to many other kinds of serious diseases including digestive
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
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, heart
system
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systems
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,
Correct word choice
and lipid
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lipid
Fix the agreement mistake
lipids
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 in
blood
Add an article
the blood
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. More importantly,
this
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 can be caused cancer.
Furthermore
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,
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 brain system will be affected. For
this
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 reason, our memory will not be as flexible as it used to be.
Therefore
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, to decrease the consumption of bad blood, in my opinion, governments should impose higher
tax
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taxes
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
 with a view to reducing the ingestion of it.
Additionally
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,
instead
Linking Words
 of eating fast
food
Use synonyms
,
Add an article
the human
a human
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 had better consume
food
Use synonyms
 containing both
vitamin
Fix the agreement mistake
vitamins
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, mineral contents and fibrous matter in combination with doing more
more
Remove the redundancy
apply
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exercise so that human life will be improved, healthier and more balanced. In summary, fast
food
Use synonyms
 affects directly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our health
such
Linking Words
 as heart diseases, digestive diseases and our brain system as well.
Hence
Linking Words
, I hope that my measures will be useful
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 improving the quality of human life.
Submitted by rykovanova.i.v on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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