IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
that the
government
Use synonyms
's budget is being allocated too much to the
arts
Use synonyms
 and that amount of
money
Use synonyms
 could be spent on other categories. I personally believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should invest both in the
arts
Use synonyms
 and other aspects of society. On the one hand, it can be seen that there are lots of fields that need investment.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the authorities can opt for spending
money
Use synonyms
 helping the disadvantaged. The number of homeless is increasing and they might be the ones who need
money
Use synonyms
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to purchase food or rent a small room to live in. By receiving
money
Use synonyms
 from the local
government
Use synonyms
, these people might have a favourable opportunity to improve their living standards.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the environment can be protected and well-preserved with investment from the authorities. Using
money
Use synonyms
 from the
government
Use synonyms
 to launch campaigns in
order
Use synonyms
 to raise citizens’ awareness is one of the most effective methods to keep the environment clean.
Besides
Linking Words
, investing
money
Use synonyms
 in producing eco-friendly materials may be beneficial in preserving the environment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I am firmly convinced that the
government
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 divert funds to the
arts
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 can be spent in
order
Use synonyms
 to preserve valuable artworks. Lots of art pieces
such
Linking Words
 as paintings or statues bear precious historical and cultural values and,
therefore
Linking Words
, need to be preserved.
For instance
Linking Words
, the French
government
Use synonyms
 has to use part of its
money
Use synonyms
 to hire securities in
order
Use synonyms
 to protect the Monalisa, the famous painting of Leonardo Da Vinci.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 could invest
money
Use synonyms
 in art education for children.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because
arts
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in the mental development of young children.
As a result
Linking Words
, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on art education for the younger generation is investing in their comprehensive development. In conclusion, whilst many believe that
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent on other categories
instead
Linking Words
 of the
arts
Use synonyms
, it is my firm belief that the authorities should invest in both aspects.
Submitted by huynhtrucminhthu39 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
Look at other essays: