IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #money #education #computers #teachers
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From the argument that some people believe that money should be mainly invested in better
computers
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,
while
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 others believe it should be invested in
teachers
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, I believe that both views have their justification, which shall be described
further
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 below. On one hand,
computers
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 are devices that can be used to access tons of knowledge and can be displayed in any format for better understanding.
For example
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, chemical reaction formulas can be displayed in alphabetical form, in pictures, or even in animation which supports the
learner
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 to understand the root and consequences much easier compared to the whiteboard and teacher.
On the other hand
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,
teachers
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 are
also
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 the key
for
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apply
show examples
education to be successful since
teachers
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 can provide guidance to the student and analyze the gap of the
learner
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 to provide more tailor-made information or questions that help the
learner
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 to get a better understanding of topics.
This
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 ability to understand the
learner
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’s needs makes
teachers
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 irreplaceable by machines, regardless of the development of
computers
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.
To conclude
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, considering both views above, I believe that we should invest money in
teachers
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 more than
computers
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 because
teachers
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 can design and customize the learning, and may use
computers
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 to support their teaching process. Human interaction is
also
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 one of the keys that can boost the curiosity of the student and
makes
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make
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education more interesting to the
learner
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. A balance between good devices that support the learning process and
teachers
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 that understand what the learners need will bring the best outcome education in modern society.
Submitted by PIMFUNSUK on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that relate directly to the main idea of the paragraph. Make sure that the transitions between paragraphs are smooth and the essay follows a clear and logical structure.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, and ensure that each example directly relates to the topic being discussed. In addition, focus on directly addressing the task prompt to ensure that your response is complete and comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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