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Band 7

Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #money #education #computers #teachers
From the argument that some people believe that money should be mainly invested in better
computers
,
while
 others believe it should be invested in
teachers
, I believe that both views have their justification, which shall be described
further
 below. On one hand,
computers
 are devices that can be used to access tons of knowledge and can be displayed in any format for better understanding.
For example
, chemical reaction formulas can be displayed in alphabetical form, in pictures, or even in animation which supports the
learner
 to understand the root and consequences much easier compared to the whiteboard and teacher.
On the other hand
,
teachers
 are
also
 the key
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education to be successful since
teachers
 can provide guidance to the student and analyze the gap of the
learner
 to provide more tailor-made information or questions that help the
learner
 to get a better understanding of topics.
This
 ability to understand the
learner
’s needs makes
teachers
 irreplaceable by machines, regardless of the development of
computers
.
To conclude
, considering both views above, I believe that we should invest money in
teachers
 more than
computers
 because
teachers
 can design and customize the learning, and may use
computers
 to support their teaching process. Human interaction is
also
 one of the keys that can boost the curiosity of the student and
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
education more interesting to the
learner
. A balance between good devices that support the learning process and
teachers
 that understand what the learners need will bring the best outcome education in modern society.
Submitted by PIMFUNSUK on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that relate directly to the main idea of the paragraph. Make sure that the transitions between paragraphs are smooth and the essay follows a clear and logical structure.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, and ensure that each example directly relates to the topic being discussed. In addition, focus on directly addressing the task prompt to ensure that your response is complete and comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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