IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You live in a small university town.Last week you drove to a big city about two hours away to buy a new laptop at a good price.You worked on the laptop all week and finished writing a long assignment that is due shortly. However,this week it doesn't even switch on.Write to the store.In your letter : • Tell the store where you live & what happened • Explain the problem with your laptop • State what action you would like the store to take

#university #town #week #city #two #hours #laptop #price #assignment #doesn #switch #store #action
Dear Sir/Madam I am writing to inform you about an issue with a
laptop
 I purchased from your store
last
 week.I live in a small university town and I drove to a big city about two hours away to buy the
laptop
 at a good price.The
laptop
 was working well and I was able to finish my long assignment in a short time. Unfortunately,
this
 week it doesn't even switch on.I assumed it was a temporary issue,but the problem persists
According to
 your store's
police
Add a comma
police,
show examples
 you must replace my
laptop
.I called your manager about
this
 problem and they said that they would replace my
laptop
. But I haven't received
any
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
laptop
 yet.As I live quite far from your store,a
two hour
Add a hyphen
two-hour
show examples
 drive away,it would be very costly and inconvenient for me
Therefore
,I would
be greatly appreciate
Change the verb form
greatly appreciate
show examples
 it if you send me a new
laptop
. Because I'm very busy these days and I need a
laptop
 for my studies I look forward to your reply and resolution to my problem Yours faithfully, Jasmine
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task response
While your letter includes all necessary points, it could be improved by providing more specific details about the laptop, such as the make and model. Mentioning the date of purchase would also strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a single clear idea. For instance, separating the explanation of the problem from your request to the store would improve clarity and readability.
task response
The letter maintains a polite and professional tone throughout, which is suitable for this type of formal communication.
coherence cohesion
You've included a clear greeting and closing, which contributes to the formal structure of your letter.
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