Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them. Education and training are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that sending

criminals

to prison is not an effective way to deal with them.

Education

and training are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree? It is widely debated that offering

education

and vocational training for lawbreakers is a better and more realistic solution rather than letting them receive prison sentences. From my perspective,

while

I agree that

education

is a possible way to tackle

this

issue, I strongly believe that individuals who break the law must receive more severe punishment by being sent to jail. On the one hand, it is tangible that providing ways involved in

education

in order to broaden the offenders’ minds plays an indispensable role in assisting

criminals

in rehabilitating the community as usual.

Initially

, among lawbreakers, there are multiple dwellers, who engage in criminal activities as a way of earning a living.

This

can be explained that they have to suffer from poverty and unemployment for a long period.

As a result

, they have to break the law by minor crimes namely shoplifting or pickpocketing in order to overcome the adversities in daily life.

Consequently

, these are educable citizens, and authorities ought to support them in daily life by providing free accommodation, and an occupation in order that they can make a living and avoid reoffending.

Secondly

, since there are multiple inhabitants who commit serious crimes

such

as robbery or murder, the violent environment in jails potentially causes serious mental issues among

criminals

. The result of

this

trend is that they have a tendency to commit an

offense

Change the spelling

offence

show examples

again.

As a consequence

education

and vocational training are possible ways to help them escape from negative thinking in the future.

In contrast

, I strongly believe that prisons are the best place to educate offenders, as jails have already existed for thousands of years. First of all, sending dwellers who break the laws behind bars will prevent them from posing a severe threat to society.

Hence

, it is able to create a peaceful and secure society for all dwellers, and they will not have to be worried about multiple crimes namely robbery, kidnapping, and murder invading in public.

In addition

, it will support the community in developing a sense of safety and security as all

criminals

are taken into jails.

Finally

, offenders will learn multiple valuable lessons related to freedom, since they lost it after committing a crime.

Therefore

, after being released from prison, they will not have the capability to re-offend and follow the rules since they are afraid of losing their freedom again. In conclusion, from

aforementioned

Correct article usage

the aforementioned

show examples

viewpoints, I believe that

although

training and

education

play a vital role in helping the

criminals

, prisons are the most suitable place for them as they will learn different lessons

while

staying there.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Sun Jan 21 2024

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task achievement

To enhance your score in task achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Offer a more balanced discussion on both viewpoints and provide a clear opinion throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

Improve coherence by organizing your ideas more logically and ensuring each paragraph has a central theme. Transitions between ideas can also be smoother.

task achievement

Provide more relevant examples and evidence to support your points, ensuring they are specific and directly related to the question prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

461 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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