IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that smoking cigarettes should be banned. On the other hand, there are those who disagree with this measure. Do you agree or disagree with the banning of cigarettes?

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Although
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 the use of
tobacco
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 is thought to be detrimental and should be prohibited in the name of public health, other people think it is a matter of personal choice which we should respect. I disagree with a smoking
ban
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 because I think that a smoking
ban
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 can prevent people from exercising their right to free will, and there are other countermeasures to discourage smoking without governmental intervention. First of all, prohibiting cigarettes potentially grants the government too much power in personal matters. If a smoking
ban
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 is announced by the government, we can certainly expect that the government will soon start to decide on all other major matters in life,
for example
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, the use of medicine, the partner we choose to marry, and the number of children that a family decides to raise. Never should
will
Verb problem
apply
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we desire an authoritative, controlling authority like
this
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.
Therefore
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, not only is it crucial for governments to protect people’s free will, but it
also
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 grants individuals the option to choose their own path.
Secondly
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, there are other countermeasures to be taken in order to discourage the misuse of
tobacco
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.
For instance
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, non-profit organizations, whose
visions
Fix the agreement mistake
vision
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 to promote healthy lifestyles, might run public campaigns to advocate the potential harm caused by cigarettes.
On the other hand
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, experts in the
tobacco
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 industry may continue their research and development on electronic cigarettes, which
serves
Correct subject-verb agreement
serve
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 as a substitute for real
tobacco
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 with much less damage to the physical condition of smokers. The more of a “joint effort” that society puts
in
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apply
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together to discourage smoking, the better our well-being. well-beings will be for everyone. In conclusion, a call for a smoking
ban
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 is not necessary at all, as it may lead to the exploitation of governmental power. Aside from that, there are other alternatives that might be more effective
such
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 as public health campaigns designed to discourage public smoking.

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task response
The arguments are clear and the essay is well-structured, but the support for the position is somewhat limited.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the ideas are connected logically, but some examples could be more specific to support the points.
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