IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe famous people’s support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while other think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that when
celebrities
Use synonyms
 support international aid organizations, they help bring more attention to serious global issues. Others,
however
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, argue that their involvement makes the problems seem less important or even distracts from the real causes.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives and give a personal opinion. On one hand,
celebrities
Use synonyms
 often have millions of followers and strong media influence. When they speak about a global issue,
such
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 as poverty, climate change, or refugee crises, they can quickly spread awareness to a wide audience.
For instance
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, when singer Shakira promoted education for children through UNICEF, many people who didn’t follow the topic before became more informed and interested.
Celebrities
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 can
also
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 use their status to raise funds and influence political decisions, which can lead to real, positive change.
On the other hand
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, there are people who think that
celebrities
Use synonyms
 may not always understand the issues deeply. Sometimes, they may support a cause just to improve their public image, without real commitment. In some cases, the media may focus more on the celebrity’s appearance or actions rather than the problem itself, which can reduce the seriousness of the topic.
This
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 could lead the public to see the issue as just another trend rather than a long-term global challenge. In my opinion,
celebrities
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 can be useful allies for aid organizations, but only if they are truly informed and involved. Their participation should not be superficial or for self-promotion. In conclusion,
while
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celebrities
Use synonyms
 can help raise awareness, it is important that their involvement is genuine and focused on the cause rather than personal fame.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses clearly on the main idea to avoid confusion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples from real-world situations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure both sides of the argument have equal attention in your writing.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good structure with clear paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • international aid organizations
  • draws attention
  • less important
  • famous people
  • celebrities
  • volunteer support
  • overshadow
  • dilute
  • sustainability
  • endorsement
  • genuine
  • advocacy
  • deeper understanding
  • engaged
  • informed base
  • committed
What to do next:
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