At present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of old people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people

Population figures

receives

Change the verb form

receive

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a significant concern from governments. People have different views about whether young communities are

beneficial

Correct quantifier usage

more beneficial

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than older ones or not. While there may be drawbacks, I believe that youth

are

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crucial for any country. On the one hand, young adults have the privilege of being physically efficient and internally motivated for more productivity. Nowadays, tremendous jobs require employees to work hard for long hours to achieve goals.

Hence

, because of their younger age, they can withstand the difficulties they face. Not only that

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apply

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but

also

a young person with motivation can play a crucial role in the overall progression of a community. Unlike the old

citizen

Replace the word

city

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, he has the desire to develop

further

in his profession and reach beyond the expected.

For example

, if learning a job skill requires travelling to far places, juniors will be chosen for it.

Therefore

, older citizens are less productive than the younger.

On the other hand

, it is undeniable that junior folks are not mature enough lacking experience, wisdom and patience. To illustrate, we gain experience by dealing with various issues that we face

during

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life.

Consequently

Change preposition

over

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time

Add an article

the time

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we are able to manage problems in a wise way.

Moreover

, seniors have the advantage of being patient in treating life concerns.

For instance

, if a senior was put in competition with a young one, he would take time, but he will reach right. In conclusion, older and younger people are needed for the whole community,

however

Add a comma

,however

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youth are considered the gold stone of building countries.

Submitted by drahmedibrahim91 on Thu Nov 24 2022

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of old people.

Your opinion

Government should spend more money on education than on sports and recreation. Do you agree or disagree?

The media is increasing interest in famous people who have ordinary backgrounds. Why do you think people are interested in their lives? Do you think this is a good thing?

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Some parents believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that t should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life. Discuss both sides.