IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that schools are no longer necessary, because students can get so much information through the Internet, and study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #students #information #internet #study #home
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In the modern era, many believe that with the help of the Internet, children can effectively learn at home, making traditional
schools
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 less significant.
While
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 I acknowledge that online
education
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 offers valuable benefits, I partially disagree with the view that
schools
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 are no longer necessary. I believe that
schools
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 play a crucial role in developing
skills
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 and values that online platforms cannot fully provide. Online
education
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 has indeed transformed learning by providing affordable and accessible resources. EdTech applications,
such
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 as Byjus, launched in India in 2019, offer comprehensive educational content for just 129 Rupees per month.
This
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 low cost reduces the financial burden of tuition fees and transportation. Students can access high-quality lessons aligned with school curricula from the comfort of their homes, making online
education
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 a practical option for many families.
However
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, traditional
schools
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 offer unique benefits that online platforms cannot replicate.
Schools
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 provide opportunities for students to engage in extracurricular activities like sports, debates, and group projects, which are crucial for developing essential life
skills
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. These activities help build leadership, teamwork, and communication
skills
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,
as well as
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 teach resilience and how to cope with failure.
Such
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 experiences contribute to a well-rounded
education
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 beyond mere academic knowledge.
Moreover
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,
schools
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 offer a structured environment that fosters social interaction and emotional development. Students learn to navigate relationships, manage conflicts, and work collaboratively, which are vital
skills
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 for personal and professional success. These social aspects are often lacking in online
education
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. In conclusion,
while
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 online
education
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 offers cost-effective and flexible learning options, traditional
schools
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 remain essential. They provide unique opportunities for personal growth and skill development that online platforms cannot fully replace.
Thus
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, the benefits of attending school continue to outweigh those of learning exclusively from home.
Submitted by harshbhardwaj155 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. Though the response is comprehensive, further elaboration on the drawbacks of online education could enhance the depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the use of transitions to ensure smoother flow between paragraphs, especially when shifting from the benefits of online education to those of traditional schooling.
coherence cohesion
Clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize and contextualize the main arguments.
task achievement
Use of specific examples, such as the mention of Byjus, to support points, adding depth and relevance to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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