IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is more common way to learn history by watching movies instead of reading books. Does the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

A group of individuals think that observing documentary
films
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good method to know about historical things rather than reading paperbacks.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of learning passed
phenomenon
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomena
show examples
 of humans by watching movies on television and provide a logical conclusion. The two main advantages of studying
history
Use synonyms
 throughout watching
films
Use synonyms
 are having
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 imagination about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 while people
observing
Wrong verb form
observe
show examples
Correct article usage
the movie
show examples
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 and the process of watching
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 may be much more interesting for
Correct article usage
the learner
show examples
learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if students watch documentary
films
Use synonyms
, it would be good for them to learn
history
Use synonyms
 much easier by observing some actions and movements of actors on television.
Secondly
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals
Add an article
the individuals
show examples
 prefer to learn
history
Use synonyms
 by watching
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
, because
this
Linking Words
 type of learning
way
Add an article
the way
a way
show examples
 of
history
Use synonyms
 can be more captivating and action-packed,
this
Linking Words
 way can help to
learner
Add an article
the learner
show examples
 to know
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 much better.
However
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 some negative
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learning
history
Use synonyms
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
 observing
films
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cannot know
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 very deeply and there may not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
any
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
actors very clearly
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 movies to learn
history
Use synonyms
. For most, learning historical things
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
films
Use synonyms
 is a common way, but they are not learning
history
Use synonyms
 enough which they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
expected  because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of ability of actors.
Correct your spelling
Moreover
Mower
Morewer
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, people are able to learn
history
Use synonyms
 by reading books, even if they
are not manage
Change the verb form
do not manage
show examples
 to learn them by watching documentary
films
Use synonyms
, for his reason there might be more information about
Use synonyms
history
Add an article
the history
show examples
 and deeply understood on
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of paperback. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 the disadvantages of studying historical things by watching TV, it has an extremely positive impact like having
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 imagination and interests while people observing it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: