In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the cause? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #situation

Some communities are of the opinion that owning a home is more significant rather than renting it whole life. In my point of view, a possible cause of the problem could be that individuals are scared to become homeless someday

in addition

to owning a house is an advantage.

This

essay will examine the cause of wishing to own an apartment and the positive situation will be explored.

First

and foremost, many people scary to become homeless in case of some problems with their health

such

as disability.

Accordingly

, if they are not able not

pay

Add the particle

to pay

show examples

for

renting

Change the form of the verb

rent

show examples

, they will be forced to live on the streets.

Thus

, buying an apartment when a person is young is the most relevant approach which could support the person in

complex

Correct article usage

a complex

show examples

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

For instance

, when individuals are adults, they do not believe that there could be

time

Add an article

a time

the time

show examples

when disability is possible in their

Correct your spelling

lives

life

lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

show examples

Furthermore

, people

are usually do

Change the verb form

usually do

show examples

not focus

Change preposition

show examples

health and drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes.

Hence

, chances for possible problems with their bodies are increasing.

Last

but not least, owning a house or a flat is an investment and

Correct your spelling

cash

Correct article usage

the cach

show examples

cach

Correct your spelling

cash

which has been invested in

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

usually can be gotten back after selling an apartment.

Moreover

, humans who are inclined to think not only about spending money but

also

about saving salaries could allow retirement without poverty.

For example

, there are two people: some humans who always allow buying overpriced products and order overcharged services, and

other human

Change the wording

another human

other humans

show examples

who

conservate

Correct your spelling

conserve

a huge part of earned payment and invest them. Obviously, the

second

one has fewer chances to get wealthy. To sum up, the possible cause why communities spend a multitude of money on buying houses is that it is an investment in life without poverty. Whereas, possible problems like car accidents could decline the quality of life and restrict communities earn wages as they did it before.

Submitted by yakovshmidt93 on Fri Nov 25 2022

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

318 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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