IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvanatages of living in a small community?

#people #villages #cities #area #disadvanatages #community
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is known that many years ago people had a tendency to live in small
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
 due to they knew each other.Today, the community prefer living in
a urban areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
urban areas
an urban area
show examples
 where they
familiar
Add a missing verb
are familiar
show examples
 only with people in their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
. living in small villages has its own advantages and disadvantages as well as
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views.
Correct your spelling
One
show examples
On
Correct your spelling
One
show examples
 of the main positives of living in small communities is that On the one hand, I accept that businesses must make money in order to survive in a competitive world. It seems logical that the priority of any
company
Use synonyms
 should be to cover its running costs,
such
Linking Words
 as employees’ wages and payments for buildings and utilities. On top of these costs, companies
also
Linking Words
 need to invest in improvements and innovations if they wish to remain successful. If a
company
Use synonyms
 is unable to pay its bills or meet the changing needs of customers, any concerns about social responsibilities become irrelevant.
In other words
Linking Words
, a
company
Use synonyms
 can only make a positive contribution to society if it is in good financial health.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, companies should not be run with the sole aim of maximising profit; they have a wider role to play in society. One social obligation that owners and managers have is to treat their employees well, rather than
exploiting
Wrong verb form
exploit
show examples
 them.
For example
Linking Words
, they could pay a “living wage” to ensure that workers have a good quality of life. I
also
Linking Words
 like the idea that businesses could use a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental projects or education initiatives.
Finally
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of trying to minimise their tax payments by using accounting loopholes, I believe that
company
Use synonyms
 bosses should be happy to contribute to society through the tax system.
Submitted by akdana2505 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: