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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that television has destroyed communication among friends and family. In what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #television #communication #friends
It is often thought that communication has been
ruin
Wrong verb form
ruined
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 among family and friends by watching
television
.
In
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From
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 my perspective, I strongly agree that
television
 is one of the root causes of
this
 destroying relations.
However
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 not only spoil
connection
Correct article usage
the connection
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 but
also
 our precious
time
.
To begin
 with, I want to aver that
television
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cutting-edge technology along with one of
easiest
Correct article usage
the easiest
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 and most primary entertainment
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 in our busy
life
. But
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
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 new statistical report, the proliferation of using
television
 has been enhanced
then
Replace the word
than
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 before.
However
, students are got addicted and spent
good
Add an article
a good
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 amount of
time
on
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apply
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watching different
comedy
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comedies
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, movies, and sports
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
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as a result
the
Change the word
their
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 marks are going down. Meanwhile, adult people have
also
 chosen
this
 as an enjoyment purpose. Over-using something that could be harmful,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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replicates
on
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apply
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this
 situation,
as a result
, the bonds between kit and kin are affected.
In addition
, it has
also
 been keeping
greatly
Add an article
the greatly
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 bad impact on work
life
 and healthy
life
. To alleviate
this
 problem, we should enhance the awareness of less use of
television
, and advise them to keep
connection
Add an article
a connection
the connection
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 to relatives and neighbours and do
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other outdoor or indoor things which will
makes
Change the verb form
make
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life
 far more batter
then
 watching
television
 in leisure
time
.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 can fully concentrate
in
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on
show examples
 their studies
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 crucial part of their career, and they can do some outdoor activities which could develop their knowledge
instead
 of
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
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 attention to different programs. In conclusion, I really
belief
Replace the word
believe
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 that, though
television
 has some benefits
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it should better choose outdoor and indoor activities on
time
 off over that.
Submitted by samsulislam43.si on

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