IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that television has destroyed communication among friends and family. In what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often thought that communication has been
ruin
Wrong verb form
ruined
show examples
 among family and friends by watching
television
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, I strongly agree that
television
Use synonyms
 is one of the root causes of
this
Linking Words
 destroying relations.
However
Linking Words
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not only spoil
connection
Correct article usage
the connection
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 our precious
time
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I want to aver that
television
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cutting-edge technology along with one of
easiest
Correct article usage
the easiest
show examples
 and most primary entertainment
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 in our busy
life
Use synonyms
. But
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
show examples
 new statistical report, the proliferation of using
television
Use synonyms
 has been enhanced
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 before.
However
Linking Words
, students are got addicted and spent
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 amount of
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching different
comedy
Fix the agreement mistake
comedies
show examples
, movies, and sports
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 marks are going down. Meanwhile, adult people have
also
Linking Words
 chosen
this
Linking Words
 as an enjoyment purpose. Over-using something that could be harmful,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
replicates
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation,
as a result
Linking Words
, the bonds between kit and kin are affected.
In addition
Linking Words
, it has
also
Linking Words
 been keeping
greatly
Add an article
the greatly
show examples
 bad impact on work
life
Use synonyms
 and healthy
life
Use synonyms
. To alleviate
this
Linking Words
 problem, we should enhance the awareness of less use of
television
Use synonyms
, and advise them to keep
connection
Add an article
a connection
the connection
show examples
 to relatives and neighbours and do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other outdoor or indoor things which will
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 far more batter
then
Linking Words
 watching
television
Use synonyms
 in leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can fully concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their studies
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crucial part of their career, and they can do some outdoor activities which could develop their knowledge
instead
Linking Words
 of
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 attention to different programs. In conclusion, I really
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that, though
television
Use synonyms
 has some benefits
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it should better choose outdoor and indoor activities on
time
Use synonyms
 off over that.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: