IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. Discuss the effects lack of experience with and understanding of nature can have on children as they grow up. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is argued that
children
Use synonyms
 mostly spend their
time
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 in confined areas due to the hectic modern life, and
as a result
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 of
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this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 they have limited interaction with
nature
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.
Nature
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 is an important way to explore the
world
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 for
children
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, and it helps to improve
children
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's social skills and imagination. On the one hand, in the modern
world
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, so many
children
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 are staying at home, school, or at recreational areas like sports fields, but I believe that the best recreational area is of course
nature
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.
In other words
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,
nature
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 is embedding infinitive-rich sources for
children
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. When offsprings start to spend
time
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 in
nature
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, it helps to improve their imagination,
furthermore
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, they can strengthen their bonds with humans,
thus
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 they can enhance social skills.
For instance
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, when
children
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 spend
time
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 in
nature
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, they can explore different kinds of vegetation and they can have ties with animals,
thus
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 they can broaden their horizons.
On the other hand
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, juveniles mostly spend
time
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 on technological devices because they are staying
at
Change preposition
apply
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indoors. When
children
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 spend
time
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 excessively on the computer or television, they can convert into introverts in the future. Staying in confined areas leads to
atrophy
Correct article usage
the atrophy
show examples
 of their communication skills as well as imagination.
In addition
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, they can have feeble verbal abilities, because I think when we have interactions with different places and people, we can develop our verbal abilities. In conclusion, the
world
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 is serving as an enhancement resource to become our best version in the future. I think spending
time
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 in the natural
world
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 merits outweighs spending
time
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 at home. At
this
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 ,point parents and governments should incentivize
children
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, and they should let give permission to get rid of burdens.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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