IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in cities. Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #homes #areas #study #work #cities #development
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At present, Some
people
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 and students are choosing
cities
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 to live
rather
Change preposition
in rather
show examples
 than their home regional area because of the opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
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 a better
job
Use synonyms
 and study. Working or studying in
cities
Use synonyms
advantageous
Add a missing verb
is advantageous
show examples
 for the simple reason that it opens the door to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
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a
Remove the article
apply
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better education and better
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
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 in a
job
Use synonyms
 sector. But there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
Add an article
a drawback
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drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 to be taken into account. On the one hand, there are numerous advantages of living in a
city
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it gives
people
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the scope to study in better educational institutes which cannot
found
Add a missing verb
be found
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 in rural areas which means
city
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people
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 are most likely to become successful to get a higher education degree that helps them to get a well-paid
job
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.
Secondly
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, in the
cities
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, there is a bigger number of
job
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 options
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
provided by many private and government companies
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
means
Change the verb form
mean
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 residents are less likely to be unemployed.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
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 can earn a larger amount of money while working in
cities
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.A recent survey showed that approximately 85% of
people
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 are
Correct your spelling
self-employed
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self- employed
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self-employed
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 in
cities
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 and around 15% of teenagers are doing part-time jobs while they are
on
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in
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 the stage of student life.
On the other hand
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, one of the major
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
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 of living in urban areas is the expensive life.A great number of
people
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 are breathing in
cities
Use synonyms
 than
Add an article
a village
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village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
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 because of great opportunities in
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
the job
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 sector and education.
Moreover
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,
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
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over population
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overpopulation
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 means
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apply
show examples
over extending
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overextending
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portion
Correct article usage
a portion
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 of regular needs which can cause
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of goods
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 shops. For that reason, the price of things
get
Change the verb form
gets
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 expensive which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 dwellers
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
expand their half of salary on everyday needs. To conclude, while living in urban areas can be beneficial for certain
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 life, it can
also
Linking Words
 cause extending population and may label a "High- priced" tag on everything.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
What to do next:
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