IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in cities. Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #homes #areas #study #work #cities #development
At present, Some
people
 and students are choosing
cities
 to live
rather
Change preposition
in rather
show examples
 than their home regional area because of the opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a better
job
 and study. Working or studying in
cities
advantageous
Add a missing verb
is advantageous
show examples
 for the simple reason that it opens the door to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better education and better
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
 in a
job
 sector. But there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
Add an article
a drawback
show examples
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 to be taken into account. On the one hand, there are numerous advantages of living in a
city
.
Firstly
, it gives
people
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the scope to study in better educational institutes which cannot
found
Add a missing verb
be found
show examples
 in rural areas which means
city
people
 are most likely to become successful to get a higher education degree that helps them to get a well-paid
job
.
Secondly
, in the
cities
, there is a bigger number of
job
 options
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
provided by many private and government companies
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
means
Change the verb form
mean
show examples
city
 residents are less likely to be unemployed.
In other words
,
people
 can earn a larger amount of money while working in
cities
.A recent survey showed that approximately 85% of
people
 are
Correct your spelling
self-employed
show examples
self- employed
Correct your spelling
self-employed
show examples
 in
cities
 and around 15% of teenagers are doing part-time jobs while they are
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the stage of student life.
On the other hand
, one of the major
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
 of living in urban areas is the expensive life.A great number of
people
 are breathing in
cities
 than
Add an article
a village
show examples
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
 because of great opportunities in
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 sector and education.
Moreover
,
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
 means
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over extending
Correct your spelling
overextending
show examples
portion
Correct article usage
a portion
show examples
 of regular needs which can cause
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of goods
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 shops. For that reason, the price of things
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 expensive which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
city
 dwellers
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
expand their half of salary on everyday needs. To conclude, while living in urban areas can be beneficial for certain
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 life, it can
also
 cause extending population and may label a "High- priced" tag on everything.
Submitted by samsulislam43.si on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: