IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
The world ,where we live and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 our lives is endangered.Some
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
,people must accept risks both in
occupational
Add an article
an occupational
the occupational
show examples
 wise and
also
 in
oneself
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lives,while
others
 oppose showing the demerits by obeying
risk
.In
this
 essay,I will
further
 discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the good and bad points of taking
Add an article
a risk
the risk
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 and convey my opinion in conclusion. Let’s discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
professional
life
,one of the crucial
merit
Change to a plural noun
merits
show examples
 of
this
 notion is
development
Replace the word
developed
show examples
 either in terms of business or work wise.
For example
,an employee irrespective of his effort and ideology ,if he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not want to take a
risk
: he remains
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
pay
Change the verb form
paid
show examples
 worker but not
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 entrepreneur.Elon mask,Mark Zuckerberg,Tata,Ambani etc on the list.
Major
Add an article
The major
A major
show examples
 negative effect is
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
result
Add an article
the result
show examples
 if we are not planned and impatient.Accepting
risk
 needs a brave heart and smart mind because one has to face the consequences.
For instance
,lack of prior knowledge and dependency yields bad results which are quite difficult to face.In
general
Add a comma
,general
show examples
 we see in many newspapers by believing in
others
 people
invests
Correct subject-verb agreement
invest
show examples
 in quick money schemes and
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 doomed.So,one should be keen
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one’s
risk
 factors.
Secondly
,we evaluate personal
life
,best point of
this
 notion is
escape
Fix the infinitive
to escape
show examples
 from boring daily
life
 and
recharging
Wrong verb form
recharge
show examples
 again.To elucidate,some do risky
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 like having extra
martial
Correct your spelling
marital
show examples
 affairs,participating in illegal works,
making
Correct word choice
and making
show examples
 problematic works to
others
.Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it feels
trilled
Correct your spelling
thrilled
show examples
 for the people doing it,it affects the
others
 who may be strangers or
dependent’s
Change noun form
dependents
show examples
,which makes it a major drawback
also
.
For example
,participants
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bike or car races conducted outlaw,
although
 it excites them there is
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
 result too,like accidents,caught by police,and
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 death. There is always a connection between professional and personal
life
 ,which
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 affected in both ways.If there is
professional
Add an article
a professional
the professional
show examples
 problem it reflects on personal
life
 and wise. In conclusion,by taking into account all aforementioned points ,I personally believe that
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 outweigh the advantages in
personal
Correct pronoun usage
my personal
show examples
life
 as for professional it can be equal.
Submitted by ravellamounika on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: