IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages ?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation #outweight
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
the number of population is one of the things that can affect
development
Correct article usage
the development
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if
Correct your spelling
of
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 a
country
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. Nowadays, the major proportion of people in some countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 young age
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 in comparison to the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly ones. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a good thing and benefit the
country
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. On one hand, having more
adult
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adults
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work in different
jobs
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specially
Replace the word
especially
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 the hard
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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, may have
direct
Add an article
a direct
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 impact
in
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on
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 developing many
area
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areas
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 in the
country
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.
In
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addition
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,addition
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 their power will continue for many
years
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, so there is no fear regarding the
future
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 of the
country
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 because it already has
labours
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laboured
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 and in the
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future
Add a comma
,future
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 their experience will increase which will
be consider
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be considered
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 as another value. Youth have a lot of energy that if it been directed into the right
bath
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path
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could have a significant effect on the
country
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's development.
For instance
Linking Words
, Ethiopia opened many
jobs
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 exclusively for young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
,
Linking Words
subsequently
Add a comma
,subsequently
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 these
jobs
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 showed the highest
developing
Replace the word
development
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 rate in the government according to the
last
Linking Words
 report.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , elderly people have many life experiences and
knowledge
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 regarding different things,
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
 is because they
been
Add a missing verb
have been
show examples
 through a lot of different
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 and worked in various
jobs
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 for many
years
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in
China
Add a comma
,China
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 many executive
committies
Correct your spelling
committees
 are consisted mainly of elderly individuals because of their
knowledge
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 and experiences which will develop their outcomes in many ways. In conclusion, while
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 have the
knowledge
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 and the experience, adults have the power to learn and work for many
years
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with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using the
knowledge
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 and the experience they had. In my opinion, I believe having many adults in the community is critical to ensure the
future
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 of
this
Linking Words
 community. Because
Correct your spelling
adults
adluts
Correct your spelling
adults
 will learn and use their
knowledge
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 and experiences for many
years
Use synonyms
 in the
future
Use synonyms
Submitted by malikdahmed on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic shift
  • workforce
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • social evolution
  • curricula
  • health care costs
  • pension systems
  • mentorship
  • generational imbalance
  • unemployment
  • job markets
  • tax burden
  • adoption
  • development
What to do next:
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