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Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages ?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation #outweight
the number of population is one of the things that can affect
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
if
Correct your spelling
of
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 a
country
. Nowadays, the major proportion of people in some countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 young age
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 in comparison to the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly ones. I believe
this
 is a good thing and benefit the
country
. On one hand, having more
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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work in different
jobs
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 the hard
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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, may have
direct
Add an article
a direct
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 impact
in
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on
show examples
 developing many
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
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 in the
country
.
In
addition
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,addition
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 their power will continue for many
years
, so there is no fear regarding the
future
 of the
country
 because it already has
labours
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laboured
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 and in the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 their experience will increase which will
be consider
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be considered
show examples
 as another value. Youth have a lot of energy that if it been directed into the right
bath
Correct your spelling
path
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,
it
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apply
show examples
could have a significant effect on the
country
's development.
For instance
, Ethiopia opened many
jobs
 exclusively for young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
,
subsequently
Add a comma
,subsequently
show examples
 these
jobs
 showed the highest
developing
Replace the word
development
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 rate in the government according to the
last
 report.
On the other hand
 , elderly people have many life experiences and
knowledge
 regarding different things,
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
 is because they
been
Add a missing verb
have been
show examples
 through a lot of different
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 and worked in various
jobs
 for many
years
.
For example
, in
China
Add a comma
,China
show examples
 many executive
committies
Correct your spelling
committees
 are consisted mainly of elderly individuals because of their
knowledge
 and experiences which will develop their outcomes in many ways. In conclusion, while
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 have the
knowledge
 and the experience, adults have the power to learn and work for many
years
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using the
knowledge
 and the experience they had. In my opinion, I believe having many adults in the community is critical to ensure the
future
 of
this
 community. Because
Correct your spelling
adults
adluts
Correct your spelling
adults
 will learn and use their
knowledge
 and experiences for many
years
 in the
future
Submitted by malikdahmed on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic shift
  • workforce
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • social evolution
  • curricula
  • health care costs
  • pension systems
  • mentorship
  • generational imbalance
  • unemployment
  • job markets
  • tax burden
  • adoption
  • development
What to do next:
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