IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer pressure. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #peers #peer #pressure
In a competitive world like
this
,everyone wants to be ahead of others.A mindset like
this
 is more prevalent among the
youth
 of today,to get influenced by their peers and try to get ahead.Advantages may include a competitive work environment while I opine the
disadvantages
 of
peer
pressure
 have harmed our
youth
 more than benefiting them by depressing them mentally. On the one hand,the young people who get influenced and try to compete with their age fellows may tend to get ahead in their
life
.
Peer
pressure
,despite having a negative effect on many,pushes some people into their
life
 by motivating them.
For instance
, students studying in the same class,continuously try to get ahead of their counterparts which may give rise to a healthy learning competition.
Thus
,youngsters competing with a positive mindset may turn out to be productive.
On the other hand
,being influenced by others may give rise to depressed
youth
,the results of which are manifested each year in the form of suicides and
youth
 getting involved in negative activities after getting disappointed with themselves.
Life
 is not about one shoe that fits all and everyone is different and
consequently
 has a different part to play in
this
 universe.As Einstein once elaborated that if the ability of a fish were to be judged by its skill to climb a tree
then
 it may spend its whole
life
 thinking of itself as an idiot,so everyone may not excel at everything.To reiterate,
peer
pressure
 may lead to depressed souls. To conclude, the
youth
 of our time are greatly influenced by their fellows which gives rise to
peer
pressure
,which according to some may lead to a healthy competitive work environment.
Nevertheless
,
clearly
Add a comma
,clearly
show examples
 drawbacks of the
peer
pressure
 outweigh the
disadvantages
.In order to save our
youth
 from the
disadvantages
 of
this
 trend,proper counselling may be required to turn the
disadvantages
 into advantages giving birth to a young generation with a positive mindset.
Submitted by saphire8619 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: