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Band 5.5

In many countries, plastic bags are one the main sources of damage to the environment, and so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#countries #plastic #bags #sources #damage #environment
Environmental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 one of the biggest concerns in today's world.
Bags
 that are made of
plastic
materials
 are known to be one of the main contributors to environmental pollution. It is proposed that these
plastic
bags
 should be banned. I strongly agree with
this
 view, and
this
 essay will highlight why its proponents are correct. First and foremost,
plastic
bags
 and containers can remain in the environment for hundreds of thousands of years.
This
 is because it takes a long period of time for
plastic
materials
 to disintegrate. We need to allocate a huge amount of areas to contain these
plastic
materials
 before they decay. Nowadays it is very difficult to find a space to live in a city
due to
 overpopulation.
Therefore
, landfills can make
this
 situation even worse as people struggle to look for roofs over their heads.
In addition
,
plastic
bags
also
 pollute seas and endanger sea creatures. There are irresponsible people who throw
plastic
bags
 in public areas
such
 as beaches and rivers. These actions can harm the marine ecosystem.
For example
, reports showed that deaths of sea creatures
due to
 accidental ingestion of
plastic
materials
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been increasing over the past few decades.
Furthermore
, the production of
plastic
materials
 uses a significant amount of fossil fuels. Combustion of fossil fuels releases greenhouse gases
such
 as carbon dioxides.
As a result
, greenhouse gases trap heat in the atmosphere, causing global warming. In conclusion,
plastic
materials
 are one of the major sources which harm the environment.
Hence
, I agree that the production of
plastic
bags
 should be banned.
Submitted by khaishien.hong on

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task response
The response is generally well-focused on the prompt and addresses the issue of banning plastic bags. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion more clearly present the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion overall, with clear progression of ideas, use of linking words, and well-supported main points. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more effective in connecting the ideas together.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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