Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is often argued that the healthcare budget is heavily allocated to treating an illness with little focus on preventing one. I completely agree with
this
opinion and the governments should emphasize more on the importance of illness prevention and well-being education. This
essay will extensively explain the reasons to support my opinion based on real-life examples.
To begin
with, preventing illness cost
considerably less than treating one. The government cover numerous aspects of treatment procedures, Wrong verb form
costs
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
a
wage of healthcare workers and the relevant tools and materials required, which makes the treatment pretty expensive. In Correct article usage
the
a
marked contrast, Remove the article
apply
Correct article usage
the preventions
preventions
Fix the agreement mistake
prevention
a
Change preposition
of a
disease
cost
little or no money at all. Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
For instance
, it costs almost 200 $ to treat dental decay in Russia due to
expensive filling materials, while
it requires minimum financial investment (the cost of tooth brush
and Correct your spelling
toothbrush
tooth paste
) to brush their teeth regularly and properly to have healthy teeth. Correct your spelling
toothpaste
Moreover
, advocating disease
prevention and investing in health
education can be much more cost-effective than covering treatments.
In addition
, increasing effort
in education and prevention can improve the public Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
health
status. The most prominent public health
issues are shifting from infectious disease
to chronic condition, which is largely preventable. According to
one recent research, almost 30% of the
chronic diseases can be avoided if individuals steer clear of risky Correct article usage
apply
behaviors
, Change the spelling
behaviours
such
as smoking, overeating and lack of exercises
. Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
For instance
, most primary lung cancer can be precluded by limiting one’s tobacco use, Thus
, the authorities should endeavor
to propagate the idea of Change the spelling
endeavour
healthy
lifestyle as preventive care rather than to introduce advanced treatment as a consolation to people who have Add an article
a healthy
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
health
problems due to
poor life choices.
In a nutshell, I strongly believe that when tackling illnesses, the authority should channel the largest part of the budget to preventive actions rather than on mediation because it can reduce significantly the expenditure on healthcare and lighten the disease
burden on society. It also
helps to improve people’s living quality and their well-being.Submitted by riveraeka55 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay shows good logical structure, but some areas need further development for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The response provided a complete argument, but could benefit from more specific details and examples to fully support the ideas.
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